Philippians 3:7-11

The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonehoeffer

2012-01-25T07:39:00.000-08:00

Excerpt from The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer

When he was challenged by Jesus to accept a life of voluntary poverty, the rich young man knew he was faced with the simple alternative of obedience or disobedience. When Levi was called from the receipt of custom and Peter from his nets, there was no doubt that Jesus meant business. Both of them were to leave everything and follow. Again, when Peter was called to walk on the rolling sea, he had to get up and risk his life. Only one thing was required in each case-to rely on Christ’s word, and cling to it as offering greater security than all the securities in the world. The forces which tried to interpose themselves between the word of Jesus and the response of obedience, were as formidable then as they are to-day. Reason and conscience, responsibility and piety all stood in the way, and even the law and “scriptural authority” itself were obstacles, which pretended to defend them from going to the extremes of antinomianism and “enthusiasms.” But the call of Jesus made short work of all these barriers, and created obedience. That call was the Word of God himself, and all that it required was single-minded obedience.

If, as we read our Bibles, we heard Jesus speaking to us in this way to-day we should probably try to argue ourselves out of it like this: “it is true that the demand of Jesus is definite enough, but I have to remember that he never expects us to take his commands legalistically. What he really wants me to have is faith. But my faith is not necessarily tied up with riches or poverty or anything of the kind. We may be both poor and rich in the spirit. It is not important that I should have no possessions, but if I do I must keep them as though I had them not, in other words I must cultivate a spirit of inward detachment, so that my heart is not in my possessions.” Jesus may have said: “sell thy goods,” but he meant: “do not let it be a matter of consequence to you that you have outward prosperity; rather keep your goods quietly, having them as if you had them not. Let not your heart be in your goods.”-We are excusing ourselves from single-minded obedience to the word of Jesus on the pretext of legalism and a supposed preference for an obedience “in faith.” The difference between ourselves and the rich young man is that he was not allowed to solace his regrets by saying: “never mind what Jesus says, I can still hold on to my riches, but in a spirit of inner detachment. Despite my inadequacy I can take comfort in the thought that God has forgiven me my sins and can have fellowship with Christ in faith.” But no, he went away sorrowful. Because he would not obey, he could not believe. In this the young man was quite honest. He went away from Jesus and indeed this honesty had more promise than any apparent communion with Jesus based on disobedience. As Jesus realized, the trouble with the young man was that he was not capable of such an inward detachment from riches. As an earnest seeker for perfection he had probably tried it a thousand times before and failed, as he showed by refusing to obey the word of Jesus when the moment of decision came. It is just here that the yong man was entirely honest. But we in our sophistry differ altogether from the hearers of Jesus’ word of whom the bible speaks. If Jesus said to someone: “Leave all else behind and follow me; resign your profession, quit your family, your people an the home of your fathers,” then he knew that to this call there was only one answer—the answer of single-minded obedience, and that it is only to this obedience that the promise of fellowship with Jesus is given. But we should probably argue thus: “Of course we are meant to take the call of Jesus with ‘absolute seriousness,’ but after all the true way of obedience would be to continue all the more in our present occupations, to stay with our families, and serve him there in a spirit of true inward detachment.” If Jesus challenge us with the command: “Get out of it,” we should take him to mean: “stay where you are but cultivate that inward detachment.” Again, if he were to say to us: “be not anxious,” we should take him to mean: “of course it is not wrong for us to be anxious: we must work and provide for ourselves and our dependents. If we did not we should be shirking our responsibilities. But all the time we ought to be inwardly free from all anxiety.” Perhaps Jesus would say to us: “whosoever smite thee on the right cheek, turn to him the other also.” We should then suppose him to mean: “the way to love your enemy is to fight him hard and hit him back.” Jesus might say, “seek ye first the Kingdom of God,” and we should interpret it thus: “of course we should have to seek all sorts of other things first; how could we otherwise exist? What he really means is the final preparedness to stake all on the kingdom of God.” All along the line we are trying to evade the obligation of single-minded, literal obedience.

How is such absurdity possible? What has happened that the word of Jesus can be thus degraded by this trifling, and thus left open to the mockery of the world? When orders are issued in other spheres of life there is no doubt whatever of their meaning. If a father sends his child to bed, the boy knows at once what he has to do. But suppose he has picked up a smattering of pseudo-theology. In that case he would argue more or less like this: “father tells me to go to bed, but he really means that I am tired, and he does not want me to be tired. I can overcome my tiredness just as well if I go out and play. Therefore though father tells me to go to bed, he really means: ‘go out and play.’ If a child tried such arguments on his father or a citizen on his government, they would both meet with a kind of language they could not fail to understand—in short they would be punished. Are we to treat the commandment of Jesus differently from other orders and exchange single-minded obedience for downright disobedience? How could that be possible?

Dear my sweet precious children at Rays of Hope, (Bridget)

2012-01-15T19:53:00.000-08:00

Nagawa Bridget
Nagawa Bridget passed away this morning after being rushed to the clinic for being sick. She had no symptoms of Malaria but the malaria took a turn for the worse and she went to be with Jesus. Pray for the children at Rays of Hope because they are having a hard time understanding what happened.

Dear my sweet precious children at Rays of Hope,

Teacher Joel told me about your friend Bridget. I wanted to tell you how sorry I am that each of you has to experience the loss of such a close friend. I also wanted to share with you why you can see this death as something more then just death.

Bridget was a very nice and good girl. I am sure she tried as hard as she could in school and she tried to make teacher Joel happy. When you found out Bridget went to be with Jesus I am sure you were sad and confused. But I want to share some good news with you.

When this happens we want to cry because we miss our friend. It's okay to cry when you miss someone and you don't understand.

Some people think when a person dies that is the end of the world. But they are wrong, aren't they? That is not how God works at all.

God has a plan:
He has a plan for life
He has a plan for death
and He has a plan for life AFTER death.

He created each one of you in your mother's womb, and He knows exactly how many hairs are on your head. He also knows the exact day when He will bring each one of you to Heaven to be with Him.

He knew when Bridget would come to be with Him and yesterday He wanted her to come home. We will have a hard time understanding why our Father wants some people before others, but you should know one thing. Bridget is in a beautiful place now. She is in a place that we cannot even picture with our own minds. Remember this summer when I told you all about Heaven and about how Jesus said He was going ahead of us to prepare a place for us when we get to Heaven? That is where Bridget is now. She is now with Jesus and He is showing her just where her place is in Heaven. And now Bridget will never be sick. She will never cry and she will always be happy because she is with Jesus.

Now that you know Bridget is in a much better place, it is up to you to share with each other what you loved about Bridget and how sweet she was to each of you. That way, when you say all of the nice things about Bridget it will help you to remember how nice it is for Jesus to take Bridget to be with Him because she was so nice.

And because you know that Bridget is in Heaven because she trusted Jesus and knew that He was her savior, now you have to tell every body that is crying that it is okay because Bridget is with Jesus.

And for you my precious children, do not be sad, but remember that Jesus loves you and that He wants to teach each of you how to be a good little girl and little boy, just like Bridget was.

(let the kids repeat after you say each sentence :)
Dear Jesus,

Thank you for offering your life for us. Thank you for teaching us to be good children. Thank you for showing yourself to us and telling us everything will be okay. We loved Bridget a lot and now we know she is with you. Please take care of her and take care of us while we are still here at Rays of Hope. Please give us the strength to tell our friends and family how much you love us all. We love you too Jesus.

Amen

My sweet children at Rays of Hope, I miss you so much, and know that I pray for you very often. I think about your hearts and how badly I want Jesus to enter into each of your hearts. I will never forget about you even though I am hundreds of miles away. I love you so much and I pray the Lord may give me the opportunity to see all of you again soon.

Love you sooo sooo soooo much,
Momma Lauren

Glory to God the rhythm of my Soul

2012-01-14T08:10:00.000-08:00

You know those moments when you are standing perfectly in the will of God? You know when you are standing there and nobody else around you knows that you are in that place except for the fact the Light of the GLORY of GOD is on your face, and people don’t want anything except to be near that Light?

Your heart beats faster.

Your breaths seem longer.

You get smaller.

God gets bigger.

And the resounding drum of your heart beats to the rhythm of the anthem of Heaven.

GLORY to GOD. Glory to GOD. GlorYYYYYY TOOOOO GOOOODDDDDD.

Louder.

And you can’t stop.

You can’t stop wanting to be more and more in His presence and more and more in the perfect center of His sovereign will.

The Peace of the Lord transforms your heart into a perfect revelation of the Spirit of Jesus Christ, and you are living as He lived in His few moments on earth. You pray for the sick, you pray for the well, you pray for the rich, you pray for the poor, you minister to all of those around you, His Word is constantly on your lips because there is nothing else you would rather speak.

As the word of the Living God flows from you lips, the breath of God is breathed on those around you, and the best part of it all is that you know it is not you. In fact you seem to be taken above yourself. You seem to be taken to a place just above where you are and you are watching the Lord’s hand move your heart and your feet just as He pleases. And He pumps your heart. The very heart beat of your heart is given life by the breath of the Holy Majestic Father in Heaven. Your eyes see the things He sees, and for ONCE, for one single moment you catch a glimpse of the joy of Heaven. You catch a glimpse of the eternal presence of God.

You can stop.

You can rest.

You can stand in the perfect place of the Lord’s presence.

And it’s there for a moment. He is there for a moment.

Then in another moment.

Then He is gone, or so it seems.

You beg the Lord to turn around to see you and to come back. You praise Him for your experience but you want Him to come back. You want Him to be constantly there always near, that you may feel as you did the moment before. You feel the presence of the Lord fading. You run fast after Him longing to find Him again.

But you have let something else enter your mind.

The glory of God has passed.

“Moses, said, ‘please show me your glory.’ And he said, ‘I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name, ‘the Lord.’ And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy. But,’ he said, ‘you cannot see my face, for man shall not see me and live.’ And the Lord said, ‘behold, there is a place by me where you shall stand on the rock, and while my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock, and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will take away my hand,

AND YOU SHALL SEE MY BACK, BUT MY FACE SHALL NOT BE SEEN.” (Ex. 33:18-23)

Our flesh could not contain the glory of God not even for more then the moment He gave us with Him.

The glory of God would actually KILL us if we saw it.

What does this do to you?

It makes me fell smaller and smaller, and it makes Him grow and grow, deservingly grow.

I know I am not a perfect human being, but if I am not yearning for the perfection of Jesus Christ, to be in the presence of God for eternity, what am I yearning for? And out of this yearning to be one with Jesus Christ, if I am desiring anything but the glory of God to be represented through my love and desire to be like Christ, then in pride, I am standing in the selfishness of my own conceit.

To be seen as a righteous Christ-follower for the glory of myself is not to be seen as a Christ-follower at all.

Jesus Christ lived for the glory of His Father. He lived for the glory of the ONLY LIVING HOLY WORTHY GOD.

"And this is eternal life, that they know you the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent. I glorified you on earth, having accomplished the work that you gave me to do. And now, Father, glorify me in YOUR own presence with the glory that I had with you before the world existed." John 17:3-4

His glory cannot be contained in our bodies, we simply praise and worship the glory of God with everything within us. That means everything. NOTHING LEFT BEHIND. You cannot hold on to anything. NOTHING. So stop trying. Let go.

NO, you are still holding on to something. Stop holding on to it. When you let go of the sinful item which consumes your fleshly mind, you will be shown the glory of God. He will pass by you and you will see His back, and you will never EVER EVER TURN AWAY.

This is what I long for. I long to be as I was last night in the presence of the Holy Living God serving His children for however long He would have me in this world. I want to pray for the sick, be with the sick, the dying, the hurting, the abused. I want to hold the orphans and disciple my children. I want to join hands with somebody and never stop sharing the Gospel through my relationship to Him. I long to share the Good News of Jesus Christ with the beautiful people of Haiti, Uganda, and the Middle East. But most of all I pray the Lord has used me to share the Gospel with those I am surrounded by now. If I have not taken every opportunity to show the Gospel of Jesus Christ, then I am saying all of these things in vain.

We cannot successfully cross and ocean and share the Gospel unless we can share the Gospel among "our own people."

Jim Elliot on his seperation from Elisabeth

2012-01-11T13:06:00.001-08:00

"Your sense of loss at our not being able tos ahre things these past few months is not new to me. I know it, and often tell Him about it. And such thoughts as Íf Thy dear home be fuller, Lord' are a consolation. And then the realistic facing of non-accomplishment comes to me and crushes to silence all telling. FOr if, really, we have denied ourselves to and from each other for His sake, then should we not expect to see about us the profit of such denial? And this I look vainly for. It comes to this: I am a single man for the Kingdom's sake, its more rapid advance, its more potent realization in my own life. But where is that advance and that realization? I am willing that 'my house be emptier,' but not unless 'His house be fuller.'And I think it right that we hold God to his own bargain. I err, of course, in making the visible results of our separation the final test, and I trust, rejoice in seeing beyond results which are obvious. But i reason thus that I should be more importunate in prayer, more 'doogged in devotion, and should not get, as you say to a 'weary acceptance of things as they are...

We may imagine what it would be like to share a given event and feel loss at having to experience it alone. But let us not forget-that loss is im...agined, not real. I imagine peaks-enjoyment when I think of doing things together, but let not the hoping for it dull the doing of it alone. What is, is actual-what might be simply is not, and I must not therefore query God as though he robbed me-of things that are not. Further, the things that are belong to us, and they are good, God-given, and enriched.

Christmas in Haiti

2011-12-26T12:54:00.000-08:00

Morning wake up call: little baby ants crawling all over you

December 23, 2011

This trip has been such a blessing because it has taught me how to be humble before the eyes of the Lord spiritually, emotionally, and physically. This morning I woke up in the middle of my dream feeling something on my neck and face. I didn’t think much of it, kind of thought it was my hair but decided to open my eyes and at least check to make sure. As I opened my eyes I realized it was ants on my neck and face. I just went ahead and terminated all of them and attempted to fall back asleep. You would think at that moment, if I had not gotten used to ants by now there would have been some sort of scream or shriek, an outburst of gross-outedness or some other fashion of exclamation or proclamation that having ants on your face is the worst thing in the world! But I have grown used to it in the time that I have been here. We wake up with ants all around us. We go to sleep soon after the sun goes down, and we wake up soon before the sun rises (at least some of us). We go to sleep amidst many sounds, but yet One thing remains true no matter where we are in the world: Jesus Christ is Lord of Lords and many many years ago He was born to a virgin.

Christmas in Haiti

December 24, 2011:

Silent night holy night,

All is calm,

All is bright,

Round yon Virgin Mother and Child,

Holy Infant so tender and mild,

Sleep in Heavenly peace,

Sleep in Heavenly peace.

Silent night, holy night

Shepherds quake at the sight 

Glories stream from heaven afar 

Heavenly hosts sing Alleluia

Christ, the Saviour is born 

Silent night, holy night 

Son of God,

love's pure light 

Radiant beams from Thy holy face 

With the dawn of redeeming grace 

Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth 

The words of this song ring softly in my ears but the noises of Haiti overcome the music. It’s about 4:20 am and I can’t help but lay in bed wide awake staring at the stars out of the window of my tent, and just marvel at the glory and infiniteness of our Heavenly Father. Do you know what 4:20 am in Haiti is? It is when I am wide awake because I have slept more then enough time to function. It is when I can begin the day with my sweet Jesus. It is when the stars are shining there last bit of brightness before the greater Star overcomes their shining by rising in the east. But it is also a time when I am perfectly still, before the throne of God, content in where He has brought me, yet working out in fear and trembling the salvation of my soul. My thoughts quickly take me from worship and praise of our Father, to an acknowledgement of my utter inability to understand the concept of eternal hell or eternal Life.

And then it hits me.

I love Haiti.

I love Haiti so much that I am willing to wake up with ants on my face, I am willing to walk a little ways to go to the bathroom, I am willing to take a shower “outside,” I am willing to wash my clothes in buckets, I am willing to suffer a few sicknesses here and there, I am willing to eat the food that is almost impossible to palette.

But if I am willing then what left is there of Christ?

It is not me that is willing. It is Jesus Christ Alone. IT is the Author, the Perfector of our faith who is willing to go. It is the Jesus of the Gospel of Matthew, (4:19) who says, “come follow me and I will make you fishers of man.”

“And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redemption, so that, as it is written, “Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 1:30-31)

So, then it really hits me, I love Jesus Christ.

I love Jesus Christ so much that I wanted to come down here with these precious four girls and serve His children at OLTCH.

And my how each of these girls has been imperative to this team. Today I have seen how our Maker long before time was time knew the four of us would be here together working, and He created each of our gifts to work specifically together for this 11 days in Haiti. It blows my mind how incredible our Lord is to be able to create human beings to be the body of Christ, to work perfectly in fellowship, sharing in the suffering of the Saints, and proclaiming the Name of Jesus Christ.

Truly it should be said of my sisters Kayla, Lauren Beuker, Kelli, and Kathleen: “I give thanks to my God always for you because of the grace of God that was given you in Christ Jesus, that in every way you were enriched in Him in all speech and all knowledge—even as the testimony about Christ was confirmed among you—so that you are not lacking in any spiritual gift, as you wait for the revealing of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is faithful, by whom you were calling into the fellowship of His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.” 1 Corinthians 1:4-9

December 25, 2011

And then there is Christmas day.

Have you ever seen the sun rise on Christmas day? Have you ever seen the sun rise over Haiti on Christmas day?

There is nothing like it I will tell you! There is nothing like being a child of God and sitting in wonder of Him, reading through and seeing the truthfulness of,

“For to us a child is born, to us a son is given;

And the government shall be upon his shoulder, and His name shall be called:

Wonderful Counselor

Mighty God

Everlasting Father

Prince of Peace” (Isaiah 9:6) and knowing that He is looking down now, that Jesus Christ is sitting at the right hand of God and that His Spirit is dwelling with in us.

It seems like we wait for this day all year long, and then when it finally comes it’s over before we know it!

This day, this year, is especially different because we are running around preparing for over 100 people to be here at the orphanage and preparing for all of them to receive gifts.

Although we were all burnt out of energy, we knew there was one thing to keep us going.

The day ended by enjoying a wonderful homemade meal of cooked goat and turkeys (all alive yesterday morning) "angeled" eggs, and many many assortments of cookies!

Poorest country in the Western Hemisphere

2011-12-20T17:58:00.000-08:00

When I stepped off of the plane into Haiti, my heart raced, as I realized I had grown to love this place as more then just another place to come and visit. I realized I considered this place my home. The couple hour drive into Leogane was beautifully broken. We passed by person after person carrying a gallon bucket on top of their head to provide water for their family. We passed by a super market that was filled with people just sitting around not really doing anything because they didn’t have an opportunity to do anything.

I shared with the girls that Haiti’s life-expectancy is 32 years old. I asked them if they noticed how there weren’t hardly any older people when they looked out the window.

This is the truth:

Haiti is located in the Caribbean.

Haiti is the poorest country in the Americas.

Haiti is 27,750 square kilometres (10,714 sq mi).

Haiti’s capital is Port-au-prince.

A majority of Haiti’s population speaks Haitian Creole.

Haiti was hit by 7.0 magnitude earthquake on January 12, 2010.

Haiti’s earthquake left 316,000 people dead, and 1.6 million people homeless.

Haiti had an outbreak of cholera in October 2010.

And even among all of these things Jesus is still the Christ. He is the center of everything. He is worthy of all of our praise. He remains in this country even though it seems impossible to see Him. He is here. He is good. He is sovereign. And when He comes again He will reign above all and through all and in all with the Father, the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.

I consider this country my home.

I am drawn to it in a way I am not drawn to any other country. Maybe it's the people, maybe it's the place, or maybe it's just Jesus.

But I believe with my whole heart that it is Jesus. I believe it is Jesus Christ inside of me begging me to stay here.

I believe the Lord created my heart to live in this simplicity. I believe He made me to feel more at peace here then in the United States. Someone may say, God doesn't want you to be comfortable. And that is the truth, I do not ever want to be comfortable, but I want to be content wherever I am. I know the Lord has called me to finish school in the United States, but I believe that in the next year I will return home to Haiti, and I will call this place home for a long time. People always ask me where I am called or what I am called to do. I honestly don't know. I know at the moment I am learning Arabic. I know at the moment I am studying religion. I know that at the moment I am also studying graphic design. I know the Lord has the ability to use any one of these things in my life, and I pray He does. I also know there is a beating in my heart that cannot possibly stop. I know it is beating so fast it won't stop. I know when I take a breath when I am here in Haiti that it feels deeper and deeper the deeper the Lord goes. I know I am not tied down to any place even though I have been studying Arabic. I know I do not NEED anymore school to share the Gospel. But I also know the Lord may call me to seminary. I know the more and more I fall in love with Jesus Christ the more He calls me to make a sacrifice.

I think and feel it may come true, while wearing $2 overalls, I shall buy a one way ticket to Haiti.

Glory be to God.

Today was a blessing partnering with Jasmine and helping wrap Christmas gifts! We have almost finished.

We are enjoying worship tonight, and praying for a wonderful day tomorrow!

We also got to sing happy birthday today to Gideon, Catinie, Argentine, and Daveson!

An Angel in the "outfield"

2011-12-19T18:13:00.000-08:00

Our prayer for this trip: The High Priestly Prayer (John 17)

- we are longing for the opportunity to share the Gospel the entire way to and from the trip, and also, of course while we are in Haiti with the children. We pray the Gospel may be the only desire of our hearts, and that our own selfishness may not get in the way. Praise God for Kayla Kelli Lauren Beuker, and Kathleen being specifically ordained to join me. Wowee! We are in Haiti!!!

We are sitting on a plane amongst people from all over Haiti from all different backgrounds. And more importantly we have already been confirmed numerous times that we are walking in the will of the Lord.

The drive down to Miami went very smoothly and we arrived safe and sound in a semi “stranger’s” home to stay in last night (Kelli and Kathleen’s friend’s cousin’s house) She was an incredible sister in Christ who is laboring for the Gospel in Miami!

This morning we arrived at the airport at 5 am. WE rushed to get everything inside the airport to get checked in and as we walked up to the line, the lady told us we were not allowed to have bags heavier then 40 pounds. We had packed our bags for a 50 lb weight limit not 40 lbs. Immediately we all began to pray and seek the Lord’s guidance and providence in providing the money to pay for the extra fees required to get these bags on the airplane. Beuker waited in line as we figured out how to rearrange the bags to get at least 3 of them to be only 40 lbs. As she waited in line we realized how long it was taking and that our 7 am departure was coming soon. The line was really long, and at every moment one or more of us was worrying about whether we would make our plane (although I don’t know why we worry). We had already felt confirmed we were walking in the will of the Lord but we still questioned what was going to happen when we arrived at the counter to weigh our bags. We realized with limiting out 50 lb bags to 3 and making the other 3 40 lbs, we would still have to pay about $150. I was about to walk up to the counter where this lady was helping a man, but instead a young man named Alexander Perez invited the next customer to come up to the counter. As we walked up I was awaiting when he would tell us how much money it would be exactly to pay for the extra bags. But as I was standing there we were having a small conversation. He said he was a baseball player from the Dominican Republic and he played in Huntsville, Alabama! Small world right? We continued talking and he proceeded to ask why I was going to Haiti. I told him about our sweet babies in Haiti and about the orphanage, and it seemed to put a smile on his face. After setting the bags onto the scale we watched as the number climbed and I looked to see if he was even paying attention. HE DIDN’T AT ALL! We were supposed to at least pay for a 6^th bag and he completely ignored that we hadn’t paid for it! He was literally an "angel in the outfield." The Lord provided as always promised. We had all 6 of our bags on that plane without having to pay a dime. Once we arrived in Haiti, it was as always utter chaos trying to get out of the airport. None of us girls are the strongest but we each had multiple bags to carry. I believe it was a culture shock, the heat, the being stared at, and the weight impossible amount of weight we had to carry. But every single one of the girls pushed through it and we finally found our driver. He helped us carry the bags then we jumped in the van and headed on our way! (All that to say I now realize how much of a blessing it is to have guys on your trip with you).

This afternoon was wonderful! We arrived safely at OLTCH around 12:30 and unloaded the car and reunited with the beautiful children we had missed so much! We worked a little in the classroom trying to get everything set up for Christmas, and of course wrapped many many presents. The girls are now sound asleep in our tent, after spending the day traveling and being awakened to utter depravity in Haiti.

That is it for the update but if you want to keep reading I am just going to share personally what I felt when we arrived in Haiti and after we witnessed the miracle this morning.

I had been praying to see a miracle in Haiti. I wanted to see God’s providence, I wanted to see Him reach His hand down and say I am with you. I wanted to see His glory and His Name shown to all who were near enough to see. I wanted the joy that comes from witnessing a miracle of Christ to light up our faces for the rest of the day. The Lord didn’t just answer one of these prayers though, He answered ALL of them. And why am I so surprised that if we are walking in the will of the Lord that He will provide for us? He is the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. He does not waver on providing for His children.

He showed us the miracle.

He gave us the overwhelming joy.

He gave us the ability to walk throughout the rest of the day no matter what was coming for us, to shine His Name.

And His providence was ever before us. On the way down to Miami, I was overcome with the Spirit when I realized Kelli, Lauren, Kathleen, Kayla, and I were all ordained to go on this trip before time was time. Before the Lord formed us He knew we would be on this trip together. Each one of us has a gift that makes this team so perfect. I am so blessed to watch as my sisters pour out the love of Christ upon all of those who are gathering around us. I will tell you, they are some God-fearing, Gospel-sharing machines! Blessed be the Name of the Lord for their sweet sweet souls.

Well I am actually falling asleep so I will share more on arriving in Haiti tomorrow!

Love and peace from Haiti,

Lauren

The Lamb is worthy of His spouse, may I too be worthy of you my beloved husband

2011-12-14T09:51:00.000-08:00

Today I feel called to respond to a quote I recently rediscovered in my journal from last year. It is by the Vicar of Medeley writing about his wife, Mary Fletcher. It is from the book Christian Womanhood, which if you have not read it, you should look into reading it. It shines light on many of the problems of women today.

When I rediscovered this quote I realized how important it was for all of you, my sisters, to read this and pray this may be said about you as well, by your husband.

"I am married and have a new opportunity of considering a great mystery, in the most perfect type of our Lord's mystical union with His Church. I have now a new call to pray for a fulness of Christ's holy, gentle, meek, loving spirit, that I may love my wife as He loved His spouse, the Church. But the emblem is greatly deficient. The Lamb is worthy of His spouse, and more than worthy: whereas I must acknowledge myself unworthy of the yoke-fellow whom Heaven has reserved for me. She is a person after my own heart; and I make no doubt we shall increase the number of the happy marriages in the Church militant. indeed, they are not so many but it may be worth a Christian's while to add one more to the number.

God declared that it was not 'good for man,' a social being, 'to live alone'; and therefore he gave him a help-meet for him.

For the same reason our Lord sent forth His disciples two and two.

Had I searched the three kingdoms, I could not have found one brother willing to share, gratis, my weal, woe, and labour, and complaisant enough to unite his fortune to mine. But God has found me a partner, 'a sister, a wife,' to use St. Paul's language, who is not afraid to face with me the colliers and bargemen of my parish, until death part us. Buried together in our country village, we shall help one another to trim our lamps, and to wait, as I trust you do continually, for the coming of the Heavenly Bridegroom."

May I Lord, and all of mine sisters gathered around me be, "a wife who by her discretion and prudence, shall bear the whole weight of his domestic cares; while, by the natural activity of her mind, and her deep acquaintance with Divine things, and second his ministerial labours with success."

And may it mutually be said of us:

"They cannot give anything to one another, for everything that each has or is belongs equally to the other.

Even those outside find it almost impossible to think or speak of one apart from the other.

One Spirit, one motive power seem to actuate them in their movements in life, for truly they are "no more twain, but one flesh."

And it is this oneness that enables such to give up one another cheerfully when it is not possible to perform any little service, religious or social, in outward companionship, for there can be no separation of spirit to those who are thus bound together.

Lord, I pray, present me with a husband who,

"never thinks of his own ease or comfort. May he have a passion for souls, and may he seek early and late to warn the sinner, and to welcome the prodigal returning to the Father's house. May he give no rest to those who will to remain in sin."

May I daily find joy in working and praying hand in hand, side by side, with my husband.

May he believe and respond when interrupted, 'oh, my dear, never mind that. It matters not if we are but ready to meet the will of God. It is conformity to the will of God that alone makes and employment excellent."

May the cause of God, lie near to both of our hearts as we walk throughout the world, whether in Haiti, in Uganda, or in the Middle East, sharing the Gospel with the lost, and making disciples of all nations. (Matthew 28:18-20)

More to be said at a later date...

Surrendering your wardrobe for the Gospel

2011-12-14T09:19:00.001-08:00

The writer in me, the Holy Spirit inside of me, simply cannot and will not allow me to study until I have written all He would like to say.

I feel first I must respond to the comment that was left on my last post, "You cannot serve both God and Jeggings."

My sister, Melissa said I did not offer a solution. I do want to disagree with her, and second what Jasmine said.

I can share with y'all all day on how the Lord has spoken to me and how He has called me out of my sin and into a better understanding of modesty. But I feel a lot of things the Lord has spoken to me must stay between Him and I. I will respond by sharing with you the solution the Lord gave me. Please do not take what I am saying as the ultimate truth for you indeed are supposed to "work out your own salvation in fear and trembling" (Philippians 2:12)

Yes we can share with each other how the Lord has taught us, but the Lord wants you to first consult Him before anything or anybody else.

Here is how the Lord has taught me to dress, and though I have tried to abide by His will, there have been many times in the past year and a half where I have fallen short of His glory.

"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God." (Romans 3:23)

When I was on mission trips I would always wear really long skirts, with t-shirts or other loose fitting shirts. I would also wear loose-fitting overalls. In August of last year when I started listening more and more to the Lord speaking to me about my modesty, I began to realize how weird it was that I would dress completely different when I was on a mission trip then when I was at home. I have known ever since I became a believer that I was called, as a Christ follower, to make disciples all over the world, so why would I be one person in Africa, and Haiti then be another person in the states. So after I returned from Christmas break in Haiti last year, I resolved again "to know Him and the power of his resurrection, that I may share in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead." (Philippians 3:10-11) This meant I would be willing to sacrifice anything I had to portray Christ alone as my Lord and Savior. So I surrendered my wardrobe. I faithfully asked the Lord to "clean out my closet" and rid me of anything holding me back from being able to share the Gospel. I replaced many of my clothes with simple long skirts and plain high neck t-shirts (most of which I found at the thrift store). I didn't feel I was becoming legalistic, I felt the Lord was redeeming me and showing me that His glory is all I desired.

To be honest with you, I wish all of us would dress as Muslim women dress, completely covering ourselves (minus the head-covering). After spending two months in a Muslim country, I learned the importance of covering myself and not misleading or misguiding anybody around me.

By the grace of God alone, I now stand (normally) daily in a long skirt and t-shirt or some other type of shirt that does not give a way any part of me. This is not what all of you will feel called to wear. There are many "positive dress solutions" out there, you just have to ask the Lord.

Here is a story the Lord really used in my life to take me to the next step of obedience in modesty.

One morning I was getting dressed to go to school. It was about 6 am and I knew whatever I put on I would have it on until the end of the day. However, at the end of the day I had a young gentleman ask me to get coffee with him. So I stood in the mirror, not seeing myself but feeling and knowing my Father was looking at me, wanting to make a decision for His glory. I had on a purple dress that was semi low-cut but it hung past my knees. I was trying to decide whether or not to wear a tank-top under it to make it come up higher. I knew the colors I had did not really match, but the Lord spoke loudly and clearly to me and said put it on. His voice was not angry, it was respectful and honest (sorta like our earthly fathers, when they tell us we need to do something or not do something, because they love us). He only told me to put it on because He loves me. At that point, I couldn't not put it on. I would have been acting in complete disobedience, had I decided to not wear the tank top. All day as I was pondering the the beautiful nature of the Spirit, I felt completely comfortable and whole before a living and breathing Holy God. I was blessed to be held accountable by my Father, and even more blessed to feel His desire to continue to form me into the woman He wants me to be.

So as you work out your salvation in fear and trembling, and come to a better understanding of who the Lord wants you to be as His disciple and disciple maker; ultimately think about how you may be portraying the Kingdom of God.

Praise be to God the creator of all things.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls."

You cannot serve both God and Jeggings.

2011-12-12T21:33:00.000-08:00

Gospel Centered Modesty

for Gospel Centered Christians.

“I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the does of the field, that you not stir up or awaken love until it pleases.” Song of Solomon 2:7

IN the past few months the Lord has been ripping and tearing sins and unrighteous deeds out of my heart and has been replacing them with Gospel centered ideas and thoughts. He has made me to see the sin I was brought up in, and the sin I have entertained for years. He has placed my own selfishness in front of me and has said to me as kindly as possible, “stop being a hypocrite, and start looking to the cross.” (Matthew 7:5)

So my question today is what does that mean to constantly be looking at the cross? Would it affect our life every day if we did? Yes. It did, it does, it will. As I was looking at the cross this summer I realized how vain I really was. I realized not only was I doing some of the work in Africa to be seen as righteous to my Father, but I was also doing some of the work in Africa to be seen by America. What did my Father have to offer me after I completed that work? He said, “You all have become like one who is unclean, and all your RIGHTEOUS DEEDS ARE LIKE A POLLUTED GARMENT. You all fade like a leaf, and your iniquities, like the wind, take you away.” (Isaiah 64:6) and “I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness (Matthew 7:23). And what did He have to say about me doing this work for America to see me? “Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father is this (YES) to visit orphans and (YES) widows in their affliction, AND TO KEEP ONESELF UNSTAINED FROM THE WORLD.”

You simply cannot have one without the other. If I was visiting orphans and widows in their affliction in order to be seen by America then I was simply stained by the world. There were moments in Africa when I was simply doing what the Lord asked me to do because I wanted to be in the center of His will. All other times, if I was doing anything for my own glory the Lord does not see those moments. All that to say, the Lord convicting me of modesty is not an attempt for me to be seen. This is a conviction I do not boast in. I boast solely in Christ. (Galatians 6:14) I would not share this unless I felt many of my sisters and brothers around me needed to hear this. I believe with all of my heart the Lord convicts some people of things much louder and clearer then He convicts others, however this is one thing that I believe every sister of mine should be praying about.

We are surrounded by a new generation. We are giving in to the idea of “changing times converts the Gospel, to fit better with the world we live in.” We are buying the idea that our bodies are not worth anything, and that idea is being transferred all over the world. A wise woman once told me, “you are a princess of Heaven. You are a daughter of the Kingdom.” The Kingdom of Heaven is not so distance as we make it. We pray Lord, “Let your Kingdom come, Let your will be done..” but do we know what that would entail? It means, As the Kingdom is drawing near, we are being seen more and more clearly either as a true citizen of Heaven, or a citizen of the world.

Jesus said, “My Kingdom is not of this world. If my Kingdom were of this world, my servants would have been fighting, that I might not be delivered over to the Jews. But my kingdom is not from the world. Then Pilate said to him, “So you are a king?” Jesus answered, “You say that I am a king. For this purpose I was born and for this purpose I have come into the world—to bear witness to the truth. Everyone who is of the truth LISTENS TO MY VOICE.” (John 18:36-38)

We belong to this Kingdom He speaks of. We belong to the Kingdom, the Truth, the Love, the Joy, the Eternal Life, God our Father, ruler, Sovereign Majesty, Glorious Savior, Jesus Christ. And if we are of the truth, we shall listen to His voice, the Shepherd, calling our Name telling us to be reminded we are citizens of Heaven. “But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to Himself.” (Philippians 4:20-21)

So as we come into full acceptance and humility in our citizenship in the Holiest of Holies, we realize who we are in front of the Living, Breathing, Merciful God our Father. We see ourselves made clean only by the blood of the Lamb (“and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.” (1 John 1:7) “Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.” Psalm 51:7).

So this inward cleaning, do we not allow Him to clean us completely from in the inside out? If we do, how does this affect the way we dress? We are Princes and Princesses of Heaven. We stand before a living God, having been made clean. But do we stand in a mini skirt and a low-cut v-neck shirt? I do believe, the Lord says come as you are, come all ye sinners. However once we have come into the presence of the Living God and the Lamb, Jesus Christ, we do not walk away unchanged. We reflect the price of the citizenship of Heaven, and this price was the blood of the Lamb. Now stick with me: if we are citizens of Heaven, standing in front of a Living God, the Lamb, only because of the price that was paid by the blood of the Lamb, then how can we not be eternally changed inwardly and outwardly by the Glory of God?

As I was sitting with my spiritual mentor in the galleria this past Friday night I was asking her about how I had in the past year been convicted of modesty. I asked her if this was normal, because I haven’t noticed any of my sisters being convicted of the same thing. She said it was normal, and she asked me to do an exercise with her. Each person who walked by, she asked me, “would that person be acceptable in the sight of the Lord?” At first I didn’t understand how I had the right to judge that person and say anything, but then she helped calm my heart and helped me to understand we are only seeing the person from the outside, as a reflection of what is on the inside (just an exercise, not factual in any way). Person after person walked by and I realized how many no’s there were and how few yes’s there were. A Muslim woman walked by and I said yes (because she was completely covered). A 16 year old girl walked by with shorts on and I said no. A mom wearing leggings as pants with a short shirt walked by and I said, no. She then proceeded to ask me why each of those people would not be “acceptable” in the sight of the Lord. All that could come through my mouth is the fact that because of what they have worn, they most likely have caused somebody to sin, and therefore have committed the sin themselves. Whether it was shorts or leggings, any man walking behind them could imagine EVERYTHING that was underneath either the shorts or the leggings.

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money {jeggings}”<<lose the world, look not like the world, and serve God, by serving those still in the world and your brothers and sisters who are citizens of Heaven.

I know at this point some girls could be angry with me for saying this. I have come to this conviction by the grace of God. However I have personally asked my brothers in Christ some questions to confirm what the Lord had placed on my heart. Last week I was talking to my brother in Christ asking him how he felt about girls wearing leggings as pants (otherwise known as Jeggings). His face immediately sank, and with all honesty he looked at me and said, “Lauren, they might as well not be wearing anything.”

“every one who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” (Matthew 5:28)

“The eyes I the lamp of the body. So, if your eye is healthy, your whole body will be full of light, but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light in you is darkness, how great is the darkness.” (Matthew 6:22-23)

Ladies, a man standing behind you, if you are wearing leggings, short shorts, really tight jeans, or any other form-fitting piece of clothing, HE CAN IMAGINE EVERYTHING UNDERNEATH. And I PROMISE YOU that is not how you want to be seen. Many of you sisters long to be kept pure for your husband. Many of you long for your husband to be the only man to see you, so PLEASE HEAR THE CRY OF THE LORD, cover yourselves. When you put on your clothing in the morning, go before the Sovereign God and ask Him if He accepts what you are wearing. I promise you the convictions you will feel will help you to understand DAILY what it means to be a citizen of Heaven. And soon you will realize how incredible it feels to know every single day, you are not causing any one of your brothers to sin.

About one year ago, the Lord spoke to me about my clothing. I had a dream that I arrived in Heaven. I was standing before the throne of God, and one of my brothers in Christ was standing next to me. The Lord looked at him and said, “when you looked at your sister in Christ that way, you were committing adultery with your eyes.” When He said that, I turned my back and slowly was walking away when the Lord called out my name and said to me, “Lauren turn around, for you are the very cause of your brother’s sin. You did not cover what I had promised only for your husband.”

“Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.

I don’t know what this vision does for you, but I assure you, it has completely changed my life.“ (Romans 14:13)

I am not by any means perfect, and the Lord definitely has work to do on my heart and my purity, but I want you to know that when you change your outward appearance to reflect the inner truth of your heart, more people around you will see Jesus Christ ALONE. Men will be forced to only look at your heart to know whether they desire to pursue you. Men will also know they must seek first the Lord to have and find your heart. You will find your identity solely in Christ. And it will be said of you,

“but let not your adorning be external—the braiding of the hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the IMPERISHABLE beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” (1 Peter 3:3-4)

And you shall reflect daily on the Truth of His word, spoken to you, daughter of Heaven:

“Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you.” (Isaiah 43:4)

And you shall not love the world,

“Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride in possessions—is NOT FROM THE FATHER but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever.” (1 John 2:15-17)

With that said, do not listen to all that I have said. Go to the Word, Go to the Father, Go to the Son, Listen to them, Obey the Holy Spirit. Do not give up on the Lord molding and forming you.

Many people will say to me, how could you write that? Isn’t that a little “harsh”? What makes you think you can say that? And my answer to all of those questions:

Jesus Christ, the Son of God, came to live a perfect life, that we may obey His teachings and follow Him; came to die a dreadful death consuming all of our sin upon the cross; and He came to RISE from the grave, that we may eternally be reconciled by the Blood of the Lamb.

The Blood of the Lamb, washes you.

It is not for me to convict you, but to share with you how the Lord has convicted me, if through His word He convicts you, listen to Him, and obey Him.

Also, I humbly accept every word of Romans 14:1-12 and do not pass judgement on anybody around me who wears leggings as pants, and whole-heartedly believe, “so then each of us will give an account of himself to God.” (v. 12)

I also acknowledge with a crying in my heart and resounding notion from all of my brothers, SISTERS:

“Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother. I know and am persuaded in the Lord Jesus that nothing is unclean in itself, but it is unclean for anyone who thinks it unclean. For if your brother is grieved by what you eat, you are no longer walking in love. By what you eat, do not destroy the one for whom Christ died. So do not let what you regard as good be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. Whoever thus serves Christ is acceptable to God and approved by men. So then let us pursue what makes for peace and for mutual upbuilding.

Do not, for the sake of food, destroy the work of God. Everything is indeed clean, but it is wrong for anyone to make another stumble by what he eats. It is good not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that causes your brother to stumble. The faith that you have, keep between yourself and God. Blessed is the one who has no reason to pass judgment on himself for what he approves. But whoever has doubts is condemned if he eats, because the eating is not from faith. For whatever does not proceed from faith is sin.” Romans 14:13-23

Other Resources on Gospel Centered Modesty:

http://fallenfromgrace.net/2011/09/08/is-your-facebook-profile-photo-causing-men-to-lust/

http://www.sermonaudio.com/sermoninfo.asp?SID=12908209345&fb_source=message

why did I come out from the womb to see toil and sorrow?

2011-10-25T21:49:00.000-07:00

The rough carpet seemed soft to my face as I was bowed in the presence of the Lord. THe candles lit the room just enough to read the Sacred Word I had been given, and the song was perfect to describe the longing of my heart. I believed for a minute that I was in Heaven, that nothing in the world could possibly take me away from this moment, and that I would live forever in His presence. I fell asleep in His presence lying on the rough carpet, and I was awakened to a terrible feeling. My neck ached, my arm was bent uncomfortably and I realized I was back into my sinful flesh. I felt as Jeremiah when he wrote, "why did I come out from the womb to see toil and sorrow, and spend my days in shame? (Jeremiah 20:18). I quickly remember the reason I was weeping and it brings me back to the very moment:

I was standing in front of 300 beautiful hungry faces handing them their daily bread. I was thanking the Lord for each one of their souls as they took the bread and thanked me. And as I looked at each one of them in the eyes, i saw something every single person should see once in their life. I saw hope. I saw a look on their faces that I was the only person in the world who could save them in that moment. I saw a look of desperation, of a longing deep within their tummies to have one piece of bread to eat. I saw anger. I saw these beautiful children pushing and shoving each other just to make sure they received their one piece of bread. I saw pain. I saw within each of their hearts a scar brutally placed on them by Satan himself. I saw shame. I saw how it was difficult for them to feel special enough to look me in the eyes, and how improbable it would be for them to actually hug me.

And the truth of all of these statements is the Truth of the Gospel. We long for that Hope, we long to be filled with True Food, we long for Redemption, we long to be taken away from our flesh, and we long ultimately to be wiped clean from the scar Satan has brutally placed on us, and we long to see the Lord as Isaiah saw him: "sitting upon a throne, high and lifted up; and the train of his robe filled the temple. Above him stood the seraphim. Each had six wings; with two he covered his face, and with two he covered his feet, and with two he flew. And one called to the other and said: 'Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of hosts; the WHOLE EARTH is FULL of His glory!" What Glory He longs for us to dwell in, in His Glory, and in HIs presence.

That is where we long to be. That is where I must go every day before returning to this place. The more I go away to His presence the less I want to come back, and the more He brings me back, giving me the unbelievable knowledge that someday I will be in His eternal presence. The battle between flesh and Spirit rages on, and on, and on.

And we continue asking the question, "why did I come out from the womb to see toil and sorrow?"

So that we may feel in us a longing for the Gospel to reach the sorrowful, and out of a response to knowing Jesus Christ, we will share this News with everybody. (more on this tomorrow en sha Allah).

From the World to the world.

2011-09-12T21:20:00.000-07:00

Well I returned about 3 weeks ago from Jordan, at least physically returned. However I did not return spiritually until this evening. It’s impossible to understand for me why the Lord had all of this going on while I was attempting to return from the Middle East spiritually, but He has made one thing clear this evening, He is sovereign. He is worthy of praise even when we feel He is out of reach.

These past 3 weeks I can safely say have been the hardest 3 weeks I have ever had. I knew this summer would be hard, I just never expected the return to be the hardest part. I knew that people would expect me to be very happy and joyful from all that I experienced, but the truth is, the smile was a lie. The Enemy drew me into this lie just as he drew Eve into eating the apple. I believe I fooled many people too, and for this I am repentant. I can’t apologize enough in my own flesh for the way that I have told the stories from this summer, all I can do is ask for your forgiveness in the grace and mercy of Jesus Christ. Much attention has been pointed to me in the past 3 weeks and I have begged the Lord to take it away, but He placed me in this position not for people to see me, but for people to see Him. And so He took the joy away from me until I would humble myself and pray. I couldn’t seek Him whole-heartedly and seek what He would have me say, until I spoke to Him about where I was spiritually as I returned into normal routine. I traveled into a new world 3 weeks ago when I returned home, and I did not ask the Lord to prepare me for it. I prayed shortly, my prayers were not sincere. But now I sit in front of the cross, humbled and wondering why He has ever been so good to me. I am empty, yet He has made me full. I was dry yet He has poured water into my soul. I was lost yet He brought me Home. I was busy, and He cleared my schedule. NOw, I wonder why He would call me back into His heart so quickly. Why He didn’t let me fall further away, and the answer was right here in front of me in scripture. HE said to me so clearly, as if He was sitting right in front of me, “I remember the devotion of your youth, your love as a bride, how you followed me in the wilderness, to a land not sown. (Jeremiah 2:2)”. I sit here weeping because I can’t possibly understand how He does it. I can’t understand why He called me to go, I can’t understand why I am sitting here before Him, I can’t even understand why He is saying to me,

“my Love my Love stop turning away from me, remember how I sought you out of the wilderness, remember how I called you out of your sin, remember the life I have given you visions of, remember how you were prideful and I forgave you, remember how I sent my One and Only Son to the cross so that I can stand before you and say, Daughter, come to me, come to your Father, run to me.”

I chose sin. I chose evil, I chose the world. I chose hatred. I chose lies. I chose the Enemy, I chose to make myself beautiful for the world.

And HE CHOSE ME.

He said, “daughter, you are not who you were, you were created for much more. You were created to leave this world and be a citizen of Heaven. You were created to be held at a higher standard the enemy’s followers. You were created to be a Light. You were created to carry the Light of Jesus Christ into all of the world. you were chosen to walk in the wilderness, to walk on soil which has not been touched by the Gospel. You were chosen to see Jesus Christ on the cross bearing your sin. You were chosen to run from your sin, and to believe in forgiveness of all of your sins. You were chosen to believe in the sufficient grace I have given by sending my love, my Son to die on the cross for you. You were chosen to be a new creation. You were chosen to call the Spirit into your heart and hear Him loud and clear. You were chosen to tell the Lost of Jesus Christ. You were hand picked out of the pit of despair (Psalm 40:2)."

And I have spoken to you these words, these words that will never come back vain, I have spoken them that they may be true that my will, will be manifested perfectly in front of you,

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,

And before you were born I consecrated you,

I appointed you a prophet to the nations, “(Jeremiah 1:5)

But I said to Him, “Father, I cannot look at you I cannot speak to you or about you to anybody for I am not worthy, I have fallen short of your glory.”

But He said, “Yes daughter, you will never be who I am, you will never measure up to me, because I am and I always will be, but I have put my Spirit inside of you and I have called Him to move you, I have called Him to direct you in the power of my will. I have called Him to obey all that I have command Him to instruct you in, He follows my will and He leads you in that will.”

“Do not say I am only a youth, for to ALL TO WHOM I SEND YOU, YOU SHALL GO,

AND WHATEVER I COMMAND YOU, YOU SHALL SPEAK.

Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you to deliver you, declares the Lord.” (v. 6-8)

And in and for and through His Mercy, my brothers and sisters, I am humbled. I am humbled by the Truth of His word that will stand forever. I am ashamed of my attitude, I am ashamed that I would turn my head, ever so slightly from the Path He has created for my life. And I beg you all to humble yourselves before the Lord.I beg you to become ashamed, for the glory of God. I beg you to go into a room by yourself for 24 hours and sit and wonder at the Lord’s Being. I beg you to worship Him with everything in you no matter what the cost. I beg you to think of the Cost He paid, and how worthy He is of our entire lives, every single breath. Please don’t waste your breath. Each word is given to you as a gift to fall from your lips on the people around you, to encourage and rebuke, but more importantly to share the Gospel. What a gift, what an honor to stand before the Lord knowing He chose us.

Amen.

There is therefore no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life has set YOU free in Christ Jesus from the law of sin and death. For God has done what the law, weakened by flesh, could not do. By sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh and for sin, he condemned sin in the flesh, in order that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk NOT ACCORDING to the flesh, but according to the SPIRT. For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh. But those who live according to the Spirit set their minds on the things of the Spirit. For to set the mind on the flesh Is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life, and peace. For the mind that is set on the flesh is hostile to God, for it does not submit to God’s law; indeed, it cannot. Those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

You however, are not in the flesh but in the SPIRIT, if in fact the Spirit of God dwells in you. Anyone who does not have the Spirit of Christ does not belong to Him. But if Christ is in you, although the body is dead because of sin, the Spirit is life, because of righteousness. If the spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ Jesus from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells IN YOU. Romans 8:1-10

Amen.

Tell them I AM has sent you.

2011-09-01T17:01:00.000-07:00

And then God spoke to me:

“I am who I am.

My sweet daughter, when you go around the world, say to my people, “I am has sent me to you.”

I went to the Dierks Bentley concert last night and he sang this song:

It's a long trip alone over sand and stone

That lie along the road that we all must travel down

So maybe you could walk with me a while

And maybe I could rest beneath your smile

Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold

'Cause it's a long trip alone

It's a short piece of time but just enough to find

A little peace of mind under the sun somewhere

So maybe you could walk with me a while

And maybe I could rest beneath your smile

You know we can't afford to let one moment pass us by

'Cause it's a short piece of time

And I don't know where I'd be without you here

'Cause I'm not really me without you there

Yea Yeah

Hallelujah hallelujah oh

So maybe you could walk with me a while

Maybe I could rest beneath your smile

Everybody stumbles sometimes and needs a hand to hold

So maybe you could walk with me a while

Maybe I could rest beneath your smile

Maybe I could feel right beside you 'til I'm home

'Cause it's a long trip alone;

It seemed so perfect to describe how this summer feels for me now. It also reminded me of how imperative it was for me to write a blog updating everybody on what happened towards the end of my trip.

To be honest I have not processed all of the information in my brain, I am still attempting to sort out some details, and hear what the Lord has to say. I have been incredibly blessed to be home with my family, and to be able to sit and chat with my friends, but this has also been a burden because I have failed to set aside enough time with the Lord to debrief on this summer. It is hard to put together words to even finish off how my summer ended. In all I must say that it was a huge learning point in my life. The Lord revealed more to me this summer then He ever has in the past. And the quieter He started speaking the louder I heard His voice. It was such an unbelievable blessing to experience all that I did this summer, but it is important for me to remember more then anything that I did not go for the experience.

I went because the Lord told me to go. I went because He asked me to step out of my comfort zone for 3 months and go across the world by myself. However I wasn’t by myself:

We walked over sand and stone, we walked through the desert, we walked through some of the worst impoverished areas in Uganda, we heard heart wrenching crying from starving children, we fed starving children and watched them praise Jesus, we did a bible study with 40 young girls teaching them about sexual immorality, we filmed the lives of children in Kabalagala, we saw the devil attack, we saw deeply rooted knots created by the sin of man, we saw the Lord untangle those knots, we saw many girls come to understand the importance of protecting themselves, we met a girl named Shaamira who stole our heart, we met a girl named Irene who is suffering from AIDS and we loved on her as Jesus loves on us, we played games with 300 children, we painted a mural on a wall, we fed 200 people, we preached the gospel to 60 women who sell their children to the witch doctor and into prostitution, we preached the gospel to thirsty women, we encouraged a young man to continue in the fight he is fighting in Kabalagala, Uganda, we made hundreds of people aware of the need in Uganda, we had a quiet time with the Lord in front of the tomb where Jesus rose from the dead, we stood in front of the mountain where Jesus was tempted by Satan, we stood in the garden of Gethsemane where Jesus was arrested, we stood in the oldest city in the world and saw where the walls came tumbling down, we loved on a beautiful girl who doesn’t believe in God, we loved on an incredible guy from London, we loved on two beautiful Muslim girls from Amman, we loved on an amazing man of Allah, we loved on a humble family in the Middle East, we learned a new langugage, we learned a new culture, we were fed by an amazing young woman whose knowledge of the Lord astounds me, we walked around the supposedly “most unsafe place in the world”, and we were UNSCATHED, we shined a light that could not possibly be manufactured, and we spread the Gospel to the ends of the earth. But more then all of this, we realized we cannot do ANYTHING. None of these things described could have happened to me, if it were not for the presence of the Holy Spirit in me, and I could not have done all of this without the body of Christ at home supporting me in prayer. And this is the reason I say, “we”. It was not only ME going overseas, it was every single one of you who decided to support me in prayer. It was the body of Christ moving into the deepest darkest places in the world, only to find that God has been moving in those places without our help.

The evidence of this summer is the evidence of our sweet Savior living inside of me, drawing me to do things I never thought I would do. The evidence is the possibility of believing in an endless love of our eternal Savior and relying on this love to give you peace in the most difficult of trials, in the most difficult of places. The evidence is in believing that He is worth giving our lives to. The evidence we will find when we realize we are citizens of Heaven. With this knowledge we live and breathe to tell of the goodness of our Savior. We do not deserve this humbling life, but it has been ENTRUSTED to us.

Who is this Father? Who is He to call a 21 year old all the way across the world “seemingly alone”? Who is He to place somebody in the midst of a spiritual warfare that could never be described? Who is He to allow suffering? Who is He allow us to be His followers?

He is “I am.”

That is what we know for now. We know that He is the I am that leads us in the path of Everlasting freedom. He is the I Am the Father, who cares more for His children then we can imagine. He is the I am, the Lord of Heaven and of Earth. He is the I am that overpowers the enemy. He is the I am that REIGNS. He is the I am, the King. He is the I am that cannot be contained. He is the I am that cannot possibly be placed in the box of a human word. He is the I am who is the God that calls us to live a life of obedience, not because of legalistic reasons, but because we love Him, and we would like nothing more then to sbow at His feet and allow Him to direct our footsteps.

He is I AM.

And then God spoke to me, “I am who I am.”

My sweet daughter, when you go around the world, say to my people, “I am has sent me to you.”

He is calling us Home. Home is Heaven. He is calling us to live on earth as we would live in Heaven. What does He require of you? Nothing. He would only ask that you love Him with your whole heart and seek Him without looking back.

I can’t say that the past 3 months were easy, they were probably the most difficult months I have ever had in my life, but I will tell you that I have never felt closer to God, then these past 3 months. The stories the Lord has given me to tell are endless, but if you would like to learn more about where the Lord took me this summer, and what He was doing, feel free to facebook message me or email me at: Lebond07@gmail.com ( I would love to answer any of your questions!)

The verse that drove my whole summer:

“So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us.” 1 Thessalonians 2:8

“Sing to God, sing praises to His name; lift up a song to Him who rides through the deserts; His name is the Lord; exult before Him!” Psalm 68:4

Thank you Father, for the most beautiful life I could ever imagine. Thank you for leading me to the ends of the world to experience the love you have for your people. THank you Lord for allowing me to be a part of your story. Thank you God for calling the people who surrounded me in prayer, to love you as they do. Thank you Father for each moment when I thought i was not going to be able to stay, and you stepped in and told me to go on. Thank you Father for the proof you gave me in my relationships with people that this summer was not in vain. Thank you for all of the fruit you are bearing in the places that I went, and thank you Father for sharing the Good News with the unreached. We worship you God. We bow to you. We honor you. We love you. Our peace is found in you, and we receive rest in the shadow of you, our Almighty God. To you be all honor, glory, and praise, forever. Amen.

Let her works praise her in the gates...

2011-08-19T00:17:00.000-07:00

It is time for me to make a statement about my sweet mother. Earlier this summer I wrote about my father, and I am not now writing about my mother because I feel I have to, but because of the overflow of my heart of love towards her.

I was able to spend the past week with her, and realized throughout that week the sweet nature of her soul towards her daughters. I saw the patience she has for us despite the way we act towards her sometimes. But in all of that week, one thing I realized the most was how much we are alike. I realized that we laugh at the same things, we make the same jokes, we talk the same, we enjoy holding hands, we enjoy the history of the world, we enjoy exploring new places, and we enjoy the presence of God daily. I am beside myself even beginning this blog because I know I could not possibly put to paper exactly how much I love my mother, but I am going to try.

There is a hope I have for her, a pryer that the L has placed on my heart for her and it comes from Isaiah. I pry that this word would be engrained in her heart from the moment she wakes up, that she may be reminded of the glory of our risen Savior J.C.

I believe my mom is called to something greater, I believe she is called to “volunteer” in the nations, to walk the nations and proclaim that the L is her savior. I know that her and my dad have the opportunity to see many different places, and I know they have the ability to walk this world with the Gosp in their right hand ready to share with those who will listen. I know that both of them are on the verge of falling madly in love with our Father to the point of no return. They are on the edge and this is what the L has to say about that:

“Thus says the L to his anointed, to Cyrus, whose right hand I have grasped to subdue nations before him and to loose the belts of kings, to open doors before him that gates may not be closed:

I will go before you and level the exalted places,

I will break in pieces the doors of bronze and cut through the bars of iron,

I will give you the treasures of darkness and the hoards in secret places, that you may know that it is I, the L, the G of Israel, who call you by your name.

For the sake of my servant Jacob, and Israel my chosen, I call you by your name, I name you, though you do not know me.

I am the L, and there is NO OTHER, besides me there is no G;

I EQUIP you, though you do not know me, that people may know, from the rising of the sun and from the west, that there is none besides me;

I am the L, and there is no other.

I form light and create darkness, I make well-being and create calamity, I am the L, who does ALL THESE THINGS>

Shower, o Heavens from above, and let the clouds rain down righteousness; let the earth open, that salvation and righteousness may bear fruit;

let the earth cause them both to sprout; I the L have created it.

Woe to him who strives with him who formed him, a pot among earthen pots! Does the clay say to him who forms it, ‘what are you making?’ or ‘your work has no handles’? Woe to him who says to a father, ‘what are you begetting?’ or to a woman, ‘with what are you in labor?’

Thus says the L, the Holy One of Israel, and the one who formed him: ask me of things to come; will you command me concerning my children and the work of my hands?

I made the earth and created man on it; it was my hands that stretched out the heavens, and I commanded all their host.

I have stirred him up in righteousness, and I will make all his ways level; he shall build my city and SET MY EXILES FREE, not for price or reward,” says the L of hosts.” Isaiah 45:1-13

And to say something to this would ruin the words my Father has for my mother. So here it is a calling that to her may also seem impossible for her to do, but that explains the calling. When we know the calling is impossible for us to accomplish, then we fall to our knees understanding that we cannot do it without the living Savior inside of us working the miracles through us. My mother’s sweet heart will take her to the nations and back, and people will begin to worship the L from seeing her precious heart. She is fragile, and she comes with scars, but the work the L has done in her heart in the past year is remarkable. She is a servant of the L from head to toe, and nothing will stop her from living out the message of the cross. Not even the enemy. Because in J’s name we pry and ask these things to be manifested in her heart. Amen.

In the past week as I watched my mom and sister interact with each other and interact with the people who I have grown to love, I realized something special about them. No matter how crazy they think I am, they will still volunteer to do the things that I ask if we can do. And for this reason we were able to share two incredibly special moments together. We shared dinner with Mohammed’s family the night we returned from Israel. We met 4 of his children, and we shared a traditional Arab meal. Mohammed and his children attempted to teach my mom and sister how to say a few Arab phrases, and the night didn’t end without a laugh. As we were saying goodbye my mom was attempting to give Mohammed’s wife a traditional Arab kiss on the cheek and she failed miserably! Thankfully everybody just laughed and moved on, but I was very proud of her for trying! Then after we came back from Petra the night they were leaving we went over to my best friend here in Jordan, Haya’s house. We went to also break fast with her whole family. This evening could not have been more entertaining! We had all of the traditional Arab dishes, and even shared some hookah at the end of the evening (even Morgan tried it!) But for a moment as we were sitting on Haya’a “back-porch” I had a revelation. I had to shake my head a little because I forgot that I was at an Arab family’s home with my mom and my sister. What a blessing to be sitting with a family that has grown to call me their own daughter, with my own mother and sister. I wish I could just shout from the rooftops how incredible the L has been to me! How on earth did I get to this place, to be sitting in a foreign country with my mom and sister enjoying a meal and watching them interact with a completely different culture. And when those moments come when one of the three of us wonders why we are here, or why something happened in our life, or why a certain person isn’t here anymore, I pry we are reminded of how blessed the L has made us. I pry that in those moments when we believe the world is going to crash down on us we stop for a minute and worship Him for His grace and mercy.

So this is my mom. She is the woman who steps out of her comfort zone to take me to Kenya for 2 weeks when I was 16. She is the woman who steps out of her comfort zone to volunteer as a special advocate. She is the woman who loves driving a school bus. She is the woman who steps out of her comfort zone to go to Uganda for 3 weeks to help Sozo and Rays of Hope. She is the woman who flies over the Atlantic ocean to visit her daughter. She is the woman who when she arrives in ATL she sends me a texts and says, “I can’t wait till we pick you up from this airport.” She is the woman who will hike a mountain with her daughter and husband for the fun of it. She is the woman who can run 26.2 miles. She is the woman who serves her husband, and in serving her husband serves the L. She is the woman who takes care of those around her, and is always looking for a way to help. She is the woman who can get along well with any child. She is the mother who could never be replaced, who I am thankful to say I will spend eternity with. She is the woman who I can trust more then any other person in the world, and for this reason she knows all of my secrets. I love her to the moon and back a million times :)

For my eternal sister, Katelyn Marie Barnhill.

2011-08-13T00:52:00.000-07:00

This is for you my sweet sister, Katelyn.

I cannot even begin to describe how thankful I am the L placed you in my life almost one year ago. It is completely impossible for me to understand why in His mercy and His goodness, that He chose me to have you as a sister that I would learn so much from. I may sit on my bed for hours and wonder at His goodness for the incredible memories we have together: Beth and Cheeto's engagement party; our first "awkward" drive to MC, Homecoming weekend at MC, and then the incredible conversations we had on the way home from MC, the moment with your grandmother studying the word in your basement, all the just dance moments, the time you wanted to take me climbing because you felt you had improved a lot, and I was super impressed, Halloween, when you wore the same exact outfit my sister did, "Thanksgiving dinnner" with kelli and Kelsey; GOOD times with Chacha; when we wore the EXACT same outfit to go play volleyball; selling African goods to raise money; all of those peace sign pictures we have, meeting your best friend Emily, our camping adventure, and of course HAITI! Words cannot describe how much I love you, and how I cannot wait till I get to see you sometime in the fall, en sha Allah. The memories are worth remembering sister, but now it is time to start a new chapter in your life. The old chapters were incredible, but the L has a special place for you to go now, and special memories to be made, and this is my pryer for you as you are sent out....

I am beyond excited to share this word that the L has given me for you. And this word is true because we believe this was prophesied before the coming Savior, and that Savior now lives inside of my sweet sister, Katelyn’s heart. And with this power that she has been given this word shall be manifested inside of her.

“Behold my servant, whom I uphold, my CHOSEN, in whom my soul delights; I have put my Sp*rit upon [her]; she will bring forth justice to the nations.”

My sweet sister, in this you may rejoice because the L has chosen you to go to the University of North Texas. He has chosen YOU to bring good news to the captives. He has CHOSEN you and His soul will delight in you for He sees your willingness to obey His commands.

“He will not cry aloud or lift up his voice, or make it heard in the street; a bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice.”

Your sweet sp*rit my sister, your quiet speaking sp*rit will reign down on those that surround you, and people will be drawn to you. They will be drawn to C within you, and you will not have to raise your voice and scream, because the L your G is with you and He is mighty to save.

“He will not grow faint or be discouraged till he has established justice in the earth; and the COASTLANDS wait for his law.”

Sister, you know your calling, you know where the L is to take you in this lifetime, so have faith that wherever you go the L is with you and those “coastlands” you are so fond of :) if you know what I am saying….they are waiting for you, and the L will redeem your dream and you will see those “coastlands” come into the Kingdom.

“Thus says the G0d, the L, who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and what comes from it, who gives breath to the people on it and sp*rit to those who walk in it.”

Rejoice sister because that merciful Father of yours is giving breath to those that surround you, He is giving them the ability to walk where they walk. He is watching you walk to those places that make you nervous, and because of His faithfulness, for His is faith Himself, He will give you the strength to continue.

“I am the L, I have called you in righteousness, I will take you by the hand and keep you I will give you as a covenant for the people, a light for the nations, to open the eyes that are blind, to bring out the prisoners from the dungeon, from the prison those who sit in darkness.”

Oh my goodness sister! May we rejoice because we saw our sweet Savior do these exact things, and may you rejoice, for He is sending you to this place to continue doing His work. We have seen C in you, opening the eyes of the blind, and we have seen C in you, bringing out the prisoners from the dungeon, may we continue to see this work manifested in you! This is our pryer for your sweet soul.

“I am the L; that is my name; my glory I give to no other, nor my praise to carved idols.”

Sister, all glory and honor and praise will not be given to you, but will be given to Papa, to our Great Father in Heaven. In whose name we pry, Amen.

“Behold the former things have come to pass, and new things I now declare; BEFORE they spring forth I tell you of them!”

And through this truth we continue to praise Him for these promises:

“Sing to the the L a new song, his praise from the end of the earth, you who go down to the sea, and all that fills it, the coastlands and their inhabitants. Let the desert and its cities lift up their voice, the villages that Kedar inhabits; let the habitants of Sela sing for joy, let them shout from the top of the mountains. Let them give glory to the L, and declare his praise in the coastlands. The L goes out like a might man, like a man of war he stirs up his zeal; he cries out, he shouts aloud, he shows himself mighty against his foes. For a long time I have held my peace; I have kept still and restrained myself; now I will cry out like a woman in labor; I will gasp and pant. I will lay waste mountains and hills, and dry up all their vegetation; I will turn the rivers into islands, and dry up the pools. And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them.” Isaiah 42:1-16

So sister, we are all being sent out all over the world, and for this we praise Him. When you feel alone and feel unsure of the promise the L made to you when He sent you to TX I pry you read the promise He has given to you in Isaiah. May this word be an anthem to your life, as you begin this new journey the L has specifically ordained for you. Here you go sister! Your life is just beginning as the L sends you to a new people group with new faces, and new friends to be made, may He be your Rock.

“Fear not, nor be afraid, have I not told you from of old and declared it? And you are my witnesses! Is there a God besides me? There is no Rock; I know not any.” (44:8)

“Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, YOU ARE MINE.

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the L your G, the Holy one of Isra3l, YOUR SAVIOR.” (43:1-3)

“BRING OUT THE PEOPLE WHO ARE BLIND, YET HAVE EYES, WHO ARE DEAF, YET HAVE EARS.” (43:8)

“For you shall not go out in haste, and you shall not go in flight, for the L will go before you, and the G of Isra3l will be your rear guard.” (52:12)

O L Almighty, maker of Heaven and earth, may these words go before my sweet sister Katelyn. May they remind her daily of your glory and your promises. May the light of J.C. that is upon her stay with her all of her days at the University of North Texas. May the enemy have no plan for her because he knows that you have won her over. When she is struggling Father I ask that you would be with her, that you would touch her, that you would whisper in her ear, that she may know that you have not left her. May she walk on a straight path that leads only to bringing you more glory. May pride never have a handle on her. Be with her in her studies that she may do all for your glorious praise. May her life reflect the gosp. no matter what she is doing. May she walk the rest of her life in the shadow of you Father, the Almighty, the provider, the Father of your children, the Savior of the world, and the one to whome we give all glory honor and praise. In J.C. Holy Name we pry, Am3n.

I love you so much, and I am waiting expectantly for the day that we get to hug each other after many months of not seeing each other!

The Garden Tomb

2011-08-10T15:05:00.000-07:00

The 9 oclock sun shone through the trees just enough to cast a shadow over the tomb and the Spirit-like mist was lingering in the air. I sat directly across from the tomb, where Mary Magdalene and the other Mary were sitting (Matt 27:61). As I sat there, I began to think of all the places the L could have placed me in this world, and yet He wanted me to be in that place in that moment, looking at the tomb where His Son was raised from the dead. I could replay the scene one thousand times in my head, but I never dreamed it would come to life, that I would be able to see the actual tomb. And yet, the important thing wasn’t that I was sitting in front of the tomb where Jesus was buried, the important thing was that He wasn’t there. He wasn’t there because of a promise He made to His Father thousands of years ago, to die on the cross for His people. The beauty of the garden surrounding the tomb is incredible, and the presence of the angels there was obvious. It brought a natural peace upon everybody entering, to rest assured in their salvation that their Savior was not there anymore. I saw many people seemingly from all over the world walking into the tomb and walking out with a different expression on their face. I wasn’t amazed that there were people from all over the world there, I was amazed that we all had one thing in common, assurance of salvation, therefore I could rejoice in knowing these were my brothers and sisters who I would be spending eternity with.

Matthew 28, Mark 16, Luke 24, John 20 and 21

It is an undeniably beautiful thing to wonder at the goodness of the L in writing such a timeless love story. To walk in the land where this Love was walking was one thing, but to know that this Love is still walking all over the world is another thing. So, perhaps I will step on toes by saying this but I was reading the other day in a book by A.W. Tozer, and he was explaining how we should not associate the word characteristic with God, that we should understand Him as being Love because it is

in His nature to be Love and nothing else. It is in His nature to be Justice, not because He has to try to be, but He is. And with this we may say that Love wins. The undeniable Love of God our Father is seen in the three religions which inhabit the Holy City. I saw Jews, Muslims, and Christians, side by side in one area, and while there is much conflict involved in the city, there is still one Truth of all of these religions. We all believe in One God, God the Father, Allah, the God of Mohammed, the God of Abraham, and the God of Jesus. And we allow petty lies to seep into our hearts, which lead us to believe that our neighbors, the Muslims and the Jews are our enemy. I walked through the old city, knowing they were the streets that my Beloved walked through, and I saw the contrast to the Truth He spoke. I saw the human nature of selfish gain and deceit. I saw ignorant lies of a false gospel being shared by people who call us their brothers and sisters. And then I was reminded of my own ignorance. I was reminded of my being before I was made into a new creation by my Father. I was reminded of my selfishness, my weakness, my insecurity, and my doubtfulness. I was walking through the very streets my savior walked through, and yet, I was struggling with believing it all. I was struggling because the very message He preached, was the very opposite of the message preached in the church today.

I have fallen in love with this people group, in a way that my flesh could not possibly manufacture. I have seen the love of Christ come fully to life in the families of the M I am surrounded by. And I have wondered why before coming here I was led to believe these people were our enemy. This afternoon I was washing my clothes and I had a rush of the Spirit come over me, and He spoke so strongly and clearly to me that it moved me to tears. I was reminded of this deep love I have for my friend Mohammed, and my friend Haya. Anybody who has had this deep spiritual connection to a certain people group can understand me, but if you haven’t it is difficult to understand. Your chest becomes hot, your heart becomes weak, your body feels as if it wants to curl up into your heart, because you have realized that you have fallen in love with people in the way J.C. fell in love with you.

It’s an absolute break through in the way that you look at things. Life couldn’t possibly be depressing anymore, laughter comes more often then sorrow no matter what you are going through. Because in your heart, this love you once saw, once understood, is now real in knowing that your Savior loves you in the exact same way. The person of J.C. is literally inside of my heart, and when I have these moments when I stop what I am doing no matter how important it is, and I stand thinking of how much I love a person, it is an absolute manifestation of the person of J.C. inside of me, and every part of my flesh is drawn inwards toward that fire that has been lit inside my heart.

I have two weeks left in this beautiful country. I have two weeks left to say goodbye, and the L knows it will take that long to say goodbye. En sha Allah, He may bring me back home to this place some day.

I cannot speak for my mom and my sister, but I may tell you what I saw on their faces as they accompanied me through these strange places. I had expectations of course of what they would think of this place, if they would love it as I love it, or if they would see what all of their friends at home told them they would see. But soon after they arrived I realized it was impossible for them to see what their friends at home said they would see, because it doesn’t exist here. Both Mohammed and Haya’s families invited my mom and my sister and I to come over to their homes to eat dinner with them. I knew that this would be an incredibly humbling experience for them as it was for me, so I of course encouraged them to make it a part of our plans. No American person can ever be prepared for the way the L speaks to you about a certain people group, and for that reason I definitely couldn’t have prepared them for what they would encounter. Whether or not they came into this place thinking it would be dangerous, I cant say, but proof that the L is working is in the fact that my father let all 3 of the women in his life come to this place. We walked through strange streets yes, we saw strange things yes, we had rude comments made to us yes, but the Truth of it all, is that the L showed us favor wherever we went. A trip that people do in 10 days we were able to do in 3 days. We made it in and out of borders because on the first day we were in Jerusalem we met a taxi driver who also happened to be a police man. Without him, we would not have had the opportunity to go to half of the places we were able to go to. And when we arrived to Petra we met a guy who offered to give us a tour of the whole place starting at 7 am. He was also a gift from the L because we would not have been able to make it through all of Petra in the time that we did without him knowing all of the people who worked in Petra. I don’t believe I am extra righteous or more important and that that is why we found favor, but I do believe the L cares for those who love Him and for His Love I am grateful.

Once again, I cannot speak for my mom and my sister, I can only speak for what I saw from watching them: I saw their hearts change this week. I saw their eyes open as they listened to Haya tell them about the importance of serving Allah. I saw my mom show love to all of the people who helped us, and I saw her open up her heart to loving complete strangers. I saw my sister also fall in love with beautiful strangers, and I saw her leave her comfort zone to come walk in “the world I live in.” And although at times it made them feel uncomfortable, I realized this is where the L began warming up my heart to living overseas. I originally felt uncomfortable in new situations, and now I live for the moments where I get to experience new things.

I have a song a life song, that the L gave me many months ago, and every time I walk somewhere new and listen to it, it comes to life again. It is called Come Away by Jesus Culture and these are the lyrics:

Come away with me, Come away with me

It's never too late, it's not too late

It's not too late for you

I have a plan for you

It's gonna be wild

It's gonna be great

It's gonna be full of me

Open up your heart and let me in

So here I am in a foreign country, a country in an area of the world where people would “rather not go” and it is true that I have gone away with Him. I have seen a glimpse of the plane He has for me, and I saw that it was never too late to choose to go with Him. I have walked the sidewalks of the UofJ and I have heard the call to pryer and thought, wow this plan is wild, here I am falling in love with a place so different from what I know. I have sat and spoke in Arabic to Haya and her family, and thought wow this plan is great, here I am falling in love with a family so different from what I know. I have stood on top of a roof in the desert and cried out to G for this people group, and thought, wow this plan is full of Him, here I am standing worshipping on a roof in the Midea.

So I welcome Him, and I long for Him to be show Himself to my mom, my sister, my father, and my brother as He has shown Himself to me. Ultimately I long for Him to show Himself to all of the world as He has shown Himself to me. Amen.

He has given me so many incredible sisters and brothers to run this race with, and He has given me a very special brother in the past few weeks to correspond with. I am so thankful for him and his heart, and I am unbelievably excited to see where the L takes him in this race. I am very blessed to be called a daughter of Allah, and I am blessed to call my brothers and sisters my eternal family.

Love and peace from the Middle East,

Lauren

A personal insult becomes an opportunity for a saint to reveal the incredible sweetness of the Lord Jesus

2011-07-16T08:41:00.000-07:00

The words must come out now.

The story must be fulfilled now.

The workers must be sent now.

The lovers must be willing to die now.

The people lost in the darkness of the enemy must be told the Truth now.

The lies that have covered this people group for centuries must be burned now.

There is no time like today.

The movement of the Gospel is making a grand entrance in this country.

The movement of the Gospel is unstoppable and undeniable.

The movement of the Gospel is the most powerful movement to greet this great Earth.

The movement of the Gospel is penetrating the hearts of the paralyzed.

The paralyzed are feeling the deep wave of the Gospel moving in their hearts.

The love of the Lord Jesus Christ is making it’s way into the minds of those who have been turning away for years.

But there is a cost….

There is a cost that was a great cost to pay.

The price was paid for the Muslims, and Christians alike.

How dare we separate the cost into different religions.

The cost was paid.

The cost was paid for the Kingdom.

The Kingdom of God includes all who see and believe Jesus Christ is their savior.

The people of the Kingdom are a different type of people.

They are not seen by what they try to do, but by the actual characteristics of Christ being manifest inside of them.

The people of the Kingdom are held to a higher cost.

They must obey.

They must obey His will.

They must obey His will whatever the cost may be.

They must obey not because the law tells them to, but because out of their love for Jesus Christ, they desire nothing more in this world then to obey their Father.

Its not about pride that they desire to show Jesus Christ to the world, but it is out of their sincerest and most humble desire for the Savior’s Name to be proclaimed throughout this world.

The enemy has a plan.

His plan is to stop the Lovers of God from sharing the good news with the world.

He tells us we are not good enough.

He tells us what we are sharing with people is a lie.

He tells us that the Good News is not ever going to be good news to this people group.

He tells us these people want nothing to do with the Gospel.

But I will tell you,

There is nothing like the movement here. The people cannot deny the love of Jesus Christ that is being shown through His disciples here in the Mid East.

On Wednesday I heard many unkind words spoken against Christianity and lovers of Jesus.

I heard many unkind words spoken of my homeland.

I had a desire to go home to America. I had a desire to weep and tell God that it is impossible. I had the desire to slap my friend in the face. I had anger burning inside of me for all of the harsh words spoken against me. I had a sickness invented by the flesh I dwell in, the sickness was believing that I could not do anything in this country. The Enemy was taunting me telling me that my friend was right and that Christianity only brought war and anger. I actually had the Enemy telling me that the words coming out of mouth were falling on deaf ears. The enemy told me on judgment day every body will see the truth, every body will know who chose the right religion, and you are wrong, you have chosen the wrong one.

And the worst part was that….for many moments while I remained with my friend I believed the Enemy. I believed that there was no point in me being here. I believed there was absolutely no way that anybody would come to know Christ the way I know him while I was here. I believed the stupid lies of the enemy, and I am ashamed.

Thank God for His sweet mercy and kindness, because with the Spirit inside of me I remained silent.

As my friend Sam (name changed) and I walked from class to the cafeteria he told me about how mad he was at our friend Sarah (name changed) for getting upset because he wouldn’t turn off the fan because she was cold. He went on for minute after minute calling her names and saying EVIL things about her. And then when he was done the Spirit spoke a word to him, “did you know in the Bible there is a verse that says, ‘out of the overflow of your heart, your mouth speaks’?” He looked at me as if it was a foreign concept for him to hear, and he was silent for a moment and then the words came that the enemy told him to say, “ooo I forgot you are a “good Christian” and I shouldn’t say those kinds of things around you.”

It is true in these moments I wonder what exactly the Enemy is thinking telling him to say those things. I laugh at the future I laugh at the Enemy because I know my sweet Savior has already won this battle.

We are breaking the gates of hell…

As we continued walking to the cafeteria I allowed him to say all he had to say about our friend Sarah, and although the words hurt, I heard the Lord speaking to me, “just wait.”

I praised God that I was on the other side of campus and that I had a good 20 minute walk to catch a taxi, because in those moments the Lord spoke so clearly to me.

He said in my ear, “my dear child, have no anger for Sam.”

“Father, please please forgive him for he knows not what he says, for the enemy has consumed his mind.”

“Sweetheart, keep your heart set on me, follow me and do not look back, I told you many months ago that if you decided to follow Me to the Mid East that you would experience extreme persecution, things you never dreamed you would hear against your Love. I told you that while you were here, that many people would hate what you are doing, that they would hate the joy that fills your heart every day. They hate it my beloved, because they want it, and they know you are showing them the way they can get it. But there is another player in the game and his name is Satan. He is the prince of lies, and he has become so beautiful to Sam. Sam sees the Enemy disguised as an angel of light (2 Corinth 11:14).”

“But why Father? Why is Sam acting like this, on Saturday he wanted to listen to me, he wanted to hear what you had to say to him, and now he comes at me with fire?”

“My beloved, the Enemy sees you, he sees what you are trying to do. He sees that you are my disciple and that you have a longing a deep longing for Sam to come to know me in a true way. And so he is trying with all of his power to get you to run away from this place, to say there is no hope for this area of the world. He is trying to get you to listen to him to him saying that there is no point in even being a part of this movement. But my beloved, do not listen to him, for he only speaks lies to you. He tells you what he thinks you should hear, but I am here to tell you the Truth. I have come that they may have life and have it abundantly. I have come that they may see the Truth and that the Truth will set them free. I have come to walk you through the valley of the shadow of death, in this dry and weary land, and to see you as my vessel give fruit to this land. I have come that you may work in this land and that many of my children would come running to me. I have come that all may see the Light of the glory of Jesus Christ the Gospel, the Good News of love, mercy, and grace.

Satan: Do not be deceived: God IS NOT MOCKED, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. Gal 6:7-9”

“O my sweet Father in Heaven, I praise you all day long for you offer wisdom and knowledge beyond my own mind. You have given me a light that has rejuvenated me and built me up, that I may not turn away from this great movement you are making here. I see you working and I will not run. Do not leave me or forsake me, for it is with you that I work, live, and pray, and it is only for your glory and honor and praise.”

You know, brothers and sisters, there is not one time in my life that I felt myself closer to my heavenly Father. It is true that the deeper you go to God the further away from the world and from the people of this world that you feel. The words of A.W. Tozer have sunk deep into my heart this week as I have seen that the Saint must walk alone. I have seen that when we feel most alone, far away from our friends from our family, from our loved ones, we feel the closest to our Lover. It’s a beautiful thing to witness to be a part of, and to learn to fall more deeply in love with Jesus Christ.

The words spoken to me from Oswald chambers the following morning after my occurrence on campus:

I tell you not to resist an evil person. But whoever slaps you on your right cheek, turn the other to him also.” (Matt. 5:39)

This verse reveals the humiliation of being a Christian IN the natural realm, if a person does not hit back, it is because he is a coward. But in the spiritual realm, it is the very evidence of the Son of God in him if he does not hit back. When you are insulted, you must not only not resent it, but you must make it an opportunity to exhibit the Son of God in your life. And you cannot imitate the nature of Jesus—it is either in you or it is not. A personal insult becomes an opportunity for a saint to reveal the incredible sweetness of the L J.

filling “up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of C…”(Col 1:24).

Never look for justice, but never cease to give it.

Oh my brothers and sisters, my prayer for you this week and for the rest of this summer and throughout the rest of your lives, that you would be stirred to pray for this part of the world. Please lift this people group up.

I pray the Lord will stir many of your hearts to come work in this place. I pray He sends many laborers to bear the burden here, we cannot bear it alone. We can only bear what the Lord Jesus Christ gives us to bear. We will look next to each other and we will see that we are walking caring our own cross, but there will be many of us in this land, I can feel the Lord stirring the hearts of you my brothers and sisters. Please listen to Him beckoning you to Him. Please follow that voice in your heart that is telling you to come be a Light of the Gospel here in this place. Do not run away from it. I know it is a scary thing to be called to the Midea but you will witness the movement of the Gospel in a way you never dreamed you would see it move.

Just listen.

Thanking Him today for His encouragement and Love for a sinner like me,

Lauren

Spirit Leading, Spirit Guiding

2011-07-13T10:20:00.000-07:00

“If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit” (Galatians 5:25)

I must be led by the Spirit in order to experience all that the L has allowed me to see.

Last week when I got out of class I was walking underneath the road to catch a taxi and there is a nice little $1 movie stand at the end of the walkway. I was standing next to a beautiful girl with a hijab and we were both restlessly trying to find a good movie to watch. She began talking to me and discussing which movies would be good to watch. Pretty soon we were talking about our majors and how old we were and what we were doing that afternoon. I told her I had planned on going home to study and do my homework, she then proceeded to ask me if I would like to come over to her house so she could help me with my Arabic homework and we could eat with her family. So, in any other country I probably would have thought this was weird, and I may have been a little skeptical of the whole situation, but here I knew it was a part of their culture to just meet people and invite them to your home. I also knew if I decided to go over to her house, then I was becoming her best friend. The friendships here are different then they are in the states. My house mom here, told me they are like zip ties, you can only tighten them, but you can’t loosen them without breaking them. So I decided it was too much of a “coincidence”—obviously a divinely appointed relationship—that I would meet this 21 year old girl on the street and that we would have such a fun time chatting with each other. Being urged by the Spirit I decided to just go for it. We hopped in the car with her uncle, little brother and sister, and headed to her house. When we arrived I noticed how perfect everything looked, it was a beautifully decorated house, and there were many people inside! I of course met every single one of them, her aunts and uncles, her siblings, her cousins EVERYBODy. They were so welcoming and wanted so badly to practice their English with me! It definitely threw them off when I started speaking Arabic to them :) After greeting everybody Haya took me into her room and she unveiled her self. Many things started going through my head while I was standing there as she gladly took her covering off, but I don’t think it all hit me until later that evening. After her changing clothes we went into their family room and Haya told me she had to go to the bathroom but her father told me she was really going to pry. After she was done we went into their kitchen and ate the food her mom had prepared earlier that day. Haya and I had awesome conversations with her Aunt from Saudi and her mom, and then after a little while it was just us two sitting in the kitchen talking. She of course asked me about what I believed in and I told her I am a follower of J. She began to tell me about the girl that works for them who said she was a C and wanted to convert to I. I asked her why she wanted to convert and she said that she felt she would be closer to G if she was M. Haya continued sharing with me all about Isl*m and what she believes in, and she continued telling me that she thought what I believe in is false and that I should not believe in it. She told me the words of the B*ble are not the words of G, and that J.C. couldn’t be the Son of G. I believe you don’t really ask yourself these questions until you are in the position where you have to know the answer on the spot. So there I was sitting in front of this beautiful M girl who was telling me that everything I grew up knowing since I was a baby was false. What would you do? Everything inside of me, the Spirit and the flesh were at peace. I am so grateful for G’s mercy towards me while I was sitting there, as He urged His Spirit to continue giving me peace with remaining silent. So I told her what I felt the Spirit urging me to tell her and then I left the rest alone. As we walked away from the Kingdom conversation we began talking about art and she decided to share some of her artwork with me. We went into her room again and sat on her bed and looked at her artwork. Funny thing is, her pieces were drawings of Brittney Spears, Barrack Obama and other random celebrities :) After looking at her art she told me before I left she had to put on her hijab because her other cousin had just arrived and she had to be covered in front of him. I stood there watching her do the tedious task of putting on layer after layer of clothing. And as I was watching her put on all of that clothing, I thought about where the L has me in my walk with Him. I thought about how thankful I am knowing I don’t have to cover myself to that extent due to legalistic issues created by society. While it is a beautiful thing that these women respect their bodies that much, I have learned this past week that the women behind the veil sometimes act like they like the veil a lot more then they actually do. I asked her if she enjoys wearing the hijab and she told me yes, but she told me it gets tiring. She is so beautiful without the hijab, I wish you all could see, she is a beautiful beautiful creation created by our heavenly Father.

Follow up will be today, so I pry the L uses my time with her and her family again today to bring us into Kingdom conversations that I am now more prepared for after prying about it. After sitting in front of her questioning whether what she believes in is not far from what I believe in, I started asking G to speak to me through His word and He brought me to this verse:

I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting him who called you in the grace of C and are turning to a different gospel—not that there is another one, but there are some who trouble you and want to distort the gspel of C. But even if we or an agel from haven should preach to you a gspel contrary to the one we preached to you, let him be accursed. As we have said before, so now I say again: if anyone is preaching to you a gspel contrary to the one you received, let him be accursed. For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of G? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of C.

Although I was never actually turning away from C*ristianity, I was listening to the words she was saying too much. I was allowing it to get into my heart, where the Spirit was aching for me to not listen to the lies. It would be a lie for me to tell you that everything M believe in is false, I believe a lot of how they think and act is a beautiful picture of their submission to G, but I believe they are missing the point of the Go*pel. They don’t see the saving nature of J.C. And my pryer through this verse, is that I would not be moved by any of the lies I am hearing, but that also the people blinded by lies would not be accursed, but that they would be saved through the redeeming grace and mercy of J.C.

This past weekend I went to Wadi Rum and Aqaba on a school trip with 70 other students from all over the world: London, Germany, Pakistan, Palestine, Canada, California, Australia, New Zealand, China, Korea, Italy, and Spain, etc. We started the trip off in the Wadi rum desert where the L spoke loud and clear to me. He told me story after story of all the people in the bible who walked through the desert day and night and relied on Him to provide food and water. And then the ultimate Sacrifice J.C. himself, willingly obeyed the command of G to walk in the wilderness for 40 days and 40 nights. So many stories were brought to life as I stood in the 115* desert wondering what it would be like to walk through the desert begging G to provide. We then made our way to the Red Sea where even more came to life, as we sat and saw Israel and Egypt across the sea. On the way home I had an incredible conversation with my friend Shauyb who is a M from London, and my friend Liz from Georgia (a fellow B*liever). We talked about the Kingdom, and how we know what we know, who we learned everything we know from and why we believe what we believe. He asked many questions about J.C. He even asked if he could see where it was written in the Bble about Jes*s being the Son of G. So as Liz and I were sitting there continuing talking of our Lord J>C> to him, we were prying fervently that he would be changed by the word as he read. I told him many stories about how the L speaks to people, we explained the Spirit to him, and how the Spirit is how G speaks to us. I talked to him without worrying what was coming out of my mouth, which is such an answer to pryer because the L is continuing to give me new boldness. I am constantly thinking about what He would say and what He would do if He was here with me, and all I see is this constant reflection of love towards these people. I see this perfect love that G offers to all of His children, and that He desires to offer to the whole world, that He does offer to the whole world if they would choose to believe with their whole heart that J is L. Shauyb was so interested in the idea that G speaks to me. He kept on asking me, how do you hear from him, do you hear his actual voice, what does he say…etc. It challenges me in a new way to hear him ask me this questions and then to think about the grace we have received that we can hear from our Father in Heaven. I explained to Him that it is not about a religious act or duty like his faith is, but that it is a personal relationship with C that comes from the spirit inside of us. We told him that G sent us the Spirit to be our helper. I shared verses with him about heaven and what it will look like, and he also shared with us that they believe J is coming back to get everybody too. They also believe in a heaven and hell like we do, but they believe that people will only enter into heaven if they believe M* is the final prophet. Although there were many differences in what we believed, he seemed very interested in hearing about the good news. He was very eager to ask questions and wanted to know exactly what I did every day to have a good relationship with G. He asked me if I read my bible every day, and when I pray, and how I pray. And yesterday when I was on campus I went to lunch with Shauyb, Sylvia, and Aundrea (from Italy), and Shauyb asked me if I read my bible even though we had to be up so early and I was so tired. Thankfully, the L had stirred my heart to spend time with Him that morning before going to class. It is times like these, that the L desires to see our obedience that He may receive all glory and honor and praise for stirring the hearts of His children towards this obedience.

Pry that Shauyb will continue asking me questions, that he may see a difference in his relationship with G and my relationship with G and that he will desire to be a part of having a personal relationship with C and with G.

“The evangel*zation of the world is a desperate struggle with the Prince of Darkness, and with everything his rage can stir up in the shape of obstacles, vexations, oppositions, and hatred, whether by circumstances or by the hand of man. It is a serious task. Oh, it should mean a life of consecration.” Francois Colliard

No human being could ever be prepared enough for a task this great. It means taking yourself away from everything you once held true and held so dear to your heart, and submitting yourself to a constant influx of lies. It means submitting yourself to hearing people dog your faith your beliefs, and everything you once knew to be true. It means allowing yourself to dig deeper in your faith to see the One True foundation that lays in Jesus Christ alone.

A calling to the Impossible

2011-07-02T19:07:00.001-07:00

So I have realized how annoying it is to have blonde hair and wanting to be a worker in another country. God bless the movie stars because I have no idea how they handle being stared at all the time. I thought I was used to it being in Uganda, but I definitely was not prepared to receive the same amount of attention here. When we walk down the street there is nowhere we can go without being seen. Men drop their mouths and wait until we are out of their sight to stop looking. It makes me feel like a dog, like I am something that should be stared at for long periods of time. I am so tired of it, and it makes me so frustrated to the point of not wanting to go walk around anywhere unless I have to get to a certain place.

So it’s true, the life in the Mid East is not as glorifying as some would think it is. It’s not picture perfect all of the time, and the move of the Gospel is not as fluent or easy as some would think it would be. It’s difficult to share, you have to be careful in everything you say, and you have to make sure the person you are speaking with is open to hearing those things.

Perhaps no part of the cost of being a foreign Missionary is greater than the loneliness. The alien experiences a sense of utter isolation, and is tempted to cling with greater tenacity to others of his own language and culture.

The words of this woman who was totally surrendered to Jesus Christ have hit home with me in the past two weeks. The loneliness is horrible, and the desire to share these experiences with somebody has been eating at me. I praise and thank the Lord because He has given me my sister R to share in all of these experiences and to talk with, but I do wonder what it will be like to share this type of life with my husband.

“She was finding at firsthand that missionaries are not set apart from the rest of the human race, not purer, nobler, higher. Wings are an illusive fallacy some may possess them, but they are not very visible, and as for me, there isn’t the least sign of a feather. Don’t imagine that by crossing the sea and landing on a foreign shore and learning a foreign lingo you ‘burst the bonds of outer sin and hatch yourself a cherubim.”

The truth of Amy Carmichael’s words, have sunk into my heart this past week I have realized this changing scenery this new people group that I am around is not going anywhere, and I will be here for two straight months. It’s a dry area. It is a place where the movement of Jesus Christ is just beginning, hasn’t been started, and is taking baby steps into the lives of the Arabs. This mission that this family is beginning seems impossible right now. It seems impossible, but the Truth we hold on to is the truth that many movements are just beginning all over the world, and they are beginning in places where people are yearning to hear the word, and in places where the Enemy has completely blinded them. And we are encouraged by the words of Paul, “For we were the first to come all the way to you with the gospel of Jesus Christ. We do not boast beyond limit in the labors of others, but our hope is that as your faith increases, our area of influence among you may be greatly enlarged, so that we may preach the Gospel in lands beyond you, without boasting of work already done in another’s area of influence. Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord. For it is not the one who commends himself who is approved, but the one whom the Lord commends. (2 Corinth 10:14-18)

So I am human. I have weaknesses, I have downfalls, I have many things wrong with the way I view the world, and the Lord is redeeming me of those things, He is teaching me things I didn’t want to learn, and He is taking me to deeper depths in faith. And it isn’t easy, it’s not always fun, and it is not always as we want it to be. But to God be the glory. To Him be the glory when I am being stared at in ways that I never have ever wanted to be looked at in. To Him be the glory when those men staring at me are given the desire to seek Jesus Christ To G be the glory when one of those men stop staring at me, and actually ask if I need help with wherever I am trying to go. To God be the glory when a taxi driver waits five minutes for me to cross the busy intersection in the city, because he sees I need help. To God be the glory when my teacher offers to help me out with my Arabic. To God be the glory when my steps are directed exactly to where I should be, without me knowing where I am going :) To God be the glory when I least expect Him to show Himself and He appears shining as bright as ever.

Now for my obvious favor from the Lord in my relationship with Arab women:

This past week I met a young woman named Amal. The first time I met her we had a lot of really good conversations but one in particular really hit home with me. I have been drawn to Muslim women in general, but Amal just stole my heart. We were there to help women with English but we ended up having a conversation about religion due to the fact that they were so interested in my major being religion :) We starting talking about her headcover and she asked me if I understood why they wear them. I told her that I wanted to hear her explanation, and this is the beautiful description she gave me:

She asked me if I was given the choice of two diamonds an expensive one and a cheap one which one would I choose and I told her the expensive one. Then she said, if I wanted to protect my expensive diamond what would I do with it. I proceeded to tell her that I would put in a box. She said yes that is exactly why we choose to cover ourselves. She said in this culture we believe that if we do not cover ourselves if we wear short shorts and no sleeves and low-cut shirts that we are seen as worth less, then if we cover ourselves, even our heads. I think the most precious thing about her telling me this is that she was saying THEY decided to cover themselves; their fathers or husbands didn’t force them into doing it. It was such a sweet moment with Papa and me too, as He spoke to me and said, “this is exactly why I have been teaching you modesty for the past year. Because, I see you as my precious creation waiting to only be seen by your husband, and I want more then anything for you to be held to the cost that I paid for you by sending my son to die for you.” These women are beautiful with or without their head covering, but their devotion to Allah makes them even more beautiful. Amal and I continued talking about religion and then we got on the subject of what Americans think of Muslims. We talked a lot about how to know whether someone is part of Jihad or not and I asked her how she knew I was an okay person to talk to. She then proceeded to tell me that I have a white heart.

There is not much to say after that because exactly when I began to question what I was doing here, why He had called me here to this “impossible” mission, He shows up and says, “because they see who you are and Whose you are. They see without you saying anything about me, they see without asking any questions, what I have done on the inside of your heart.”

The coolest thing about her saying this is that a few months ago I was at this amazing church in Bham called Vineyard Community Church and a friend of mine’s mom came up to me after the service and she told me she felt the need to pray for me. She asked me what I was doing this summer, and I continued telling her that I was going to be serving in Uganda and in the Mid East. She then prayed that everybody here would see my hair in the Mid East. She prayed it would be a natural light, and that people would be drawn to it. So perhaps my complaining about being stared at all the time is really just an answer to prayer, either way, He answers, and He is faithful.

It’s not every day that the Lord speaks so clearly to you that you can’t deny that He is surrounding you, watching your moves, and allowing you to be a light to the people He gives you. But every day while I have been here He has spoken something specific to me. He has called me out of my self-pity and my selfishness into a much Greater cause.

Please, please continue to keep the people of this country in your prayers. Pray for the opportunities with these women. They are our sisters, and they are our brothers, waiting to see the glory of Jesus Christ revealed to them.

“Once God has placed His call on you, woe be to you if you “turn aside to the right hand or to the left.” (Deuteronomy 5:32) Oswald Chambers

God of this City, Lord of these People

2011-06-27T07:21:00.000-07:00

The Lord's grace is abounding and it is sufficient. In this moment I am not sitting in a church service listening to a sermon about my most Holy Father, but I am sitting on a balcony overlooking a city that worships Allah. I am watching the sun go down once again over a city who does not know Jesus Christ. I am overlooking a city that desires to worship God. I hear the beautiful noise of a call to prayer and I am made aware of the Lord’s desire for me to remain in Him. I am reminded of His desire for me to worship Him and to pray to Him. Even though this is a dry country there is so much fruit to be born here and there is a movement in this country unlike anything I have ever seen. These people desire to remain faithful in the way they dress and speak. They desire to be a representative of a follower of Allah. What a great place to be in to sit above this city to overlook this city, and to know that the Lord God desires for these people to call Him by His name through the saving grace of His son Jesus Christ. Oh that I may be humbled in my desire for zealousness, that I may be awakened to my disobedience in the face of my brothers and sisters who pray five times a day to Allah. May I be re-birthed into the creation the Lord would have me be as I become friends with my beautiful missionary sisters. May this time be a time of weakness in my body, soul, and mind, so that the only thing that may be seen is the strength of Jesus Christ. Oh that I may stand on this rooftop and yell to everybody in this country Jesus is King. The time is coming, it is drawing nearer and we will see the day when this country will be a country in the Kingdom. We will see a day when the people of this country only say one name: Jesus Christ.

A few days ago I was praying with and for these beautiful missionary sisters, that I am surrounded by, and the Lord revealed to me a strong word for these women that I want all of you to be praying as well for:

“But their minds were hardened. For to this day, when they read the old covenant, that same veil remains unlifted, because only through Christ is it taken away. Yes to this day whenever Moses is read a veil lies over their hearts. But when one turns to the Lord, the veil is removed. Now the Lord is the Sprit, and where the Sprit of the Lord is, there is FREEDOM. And we all with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Sprit.” (2 Corinthians 3:12-18)

My loving brothers and sisters at home and all over the world, may this be our prayer for this people group. May we pray this veil would be uplifted that they may see the glory of the Lord Jesus Christ and that they may become aware of their sin and their shame and run to the sacrifice of the Lord Jesus Christ and the redemption for their souls.

I have been given rest this past week and so thankful the Lord blessed me with such an incredible family to live with here and my sister Rachel to partner with and to be roommates with. I am so excited to see what the Lord has to teach me here and what He desires for me to do while I am here, and I know He has a great work He wants to do here. I am so blessed to be given this opportunity and if there is anything He has made me aware of in the past week, it is that He is good. As I was walking out of the language center at the University He spoke to me and said to me, “I have chosen you, you of all of your friends, I have chosen you to come and be a part of my movement here in this country. He told me He chose me specifically because He knew the person that said “here I am, Lord I will go” that I had to be saying it with my whole heart not just part of it, and I had to understand that a calling to the Middle East is a calling to something much harder then going around the corner to my sweet little southern neighbor. (FYI: a calling to go around the corner to your sweet southern neighbor is just as significant as a calling to the Mid East). He told me that it is going to be hard, and that not all of my weeks will be as peaceful as this last one was. He told me this is just the beginning of a journey He had planned for me way before I was born. He said to me that these women are women who desire to be loved as much as I desire to be loved and a lot of them do not receive that love at home. And the women who cover every part of their body but their eyes, they have a special place in my heart because I know that there is a very specific reason they have to be that covered. I know that there is something going on inside of their hearts that is similar to what is going on in my heart and that is how the Lord created us, that we may have something in common with every person in this world. I know that they too are human beings, they are women, with stories and with lives our Father cares about. So many people see this country and this part of the world as a desolate place, as a place with nothing to offer to the world but warfare, but my oh my how the Lord has showed me that this place is one of the most beautiful places in the world. He has created a love for this country in my heart that I can’t describe. It goes far beyond the surface level into a level where my only desires are His desires. And when I walk around this city and I pray over the people the Lord speaks to me clearly, saying “my daughter, oh the places you will go when you walk within my will. You will see things and places nobody else in this world even has a desire to see. You will tell the story of my Son Jesus Christ to people all over this world, and right now you will tell the story to my daughters and sons in the Mid East.”

So as I begin my journey here in the Mid East I am humbled by remembering the privilege it is to be a disciple of Jesus Christ. I am reminded that I must not take any day for granted but in every day in everything that God must receive all glory and honor and praise. I promise you guys I did not get here in my own will and desire, but only in the Lord’s grace did He send me to this beautiful country.

Like babies...

2011-06-11T08:48:00.000-07:00

So in the Spirit of Father’s day, at least I think June 12 is father’s day, I wanted to write

about my earthly father. Well actuall

y I just found out it isn’t father’s day but I had already written it so happy EARLY father’s day dad! June 19 I think I will be so busy anyways preparing to go to the Mid East so it’s a God thing that this was written now and not later :) I do not appreciate him as much as I should, and I saw a picture of us today in Haiti, and I was reminded of how much he loves me. I was reminded of how much of a sacrifice it was to let his 21 year old daughter move to Uganda and the Middle East by herself for the summer. I was reminded of the faith that he has in Jesus Christ our savior. I was reminded of how every time I have needed something he has provided for me. I was reminded of the memories I have with him ever since I was a baby, how he would encourage me to do better in school, and to love the Lord more and more with my heart. I was reminded of how he would set me on his lap and hold me until I stopped crying. I was reminded of the love he has for people around him. I was reminded of how much of a giving person he is. I was reminded of how he abides in the word of God and meditates on it day and night. I was reminded of how sinful I am in how I have treated him sometimes. I was reminded of how many times I have overstepped my boundaries with him, and I have not been submissive to him. I was reminded of the times I was angry at him and said words that I wished I hadn’t said. I was reminded of how badly I could take back those evil words I had said. I was reminded of how deep his love is for my family, my mom, my sister, my brother, and I. He loves us each individually no matter what we do. He loves us for who we are not for who he wishes we would become. He loves us when we make terrible decisions and he loves us when we tell horrible jokes. He makes a valiant effort to be the most loving caring father that he could possibly be, and it has truly made me into the person I have become. He has showed me peace when it is hardest to find. He has showed me joy in the most fearful of times. He has given me assurance that no matter what the Lord leads me to do in my life, he will back me up. His love for my mom has been a picture of the Gospel. He has taught me to give people love no matter what they return you with, and he has taught me to love people not expecting anything in return. He has taught me to expect great things to be done in front of me by Jesus Christ if I walk with Him. He has taught me that love is not something that comes and goes but that it stays forever with the one the Lord chooses for me to be with. He has taught me to have high expectations when it comes to my husband, and when I have had a broken heart he has taught me that “the guy that broke my heart was not good enough for me anyway, and was not the one the Lord has for me.” He has taught me to forgive and forget. He has taught me to remain in the shadow of the Almighty, because there is where we find rest. He has taught me discipline. He has taught me the importance of keeping our bodies in good shape because it is a temple of God. He has protected me from danger, and taught me to know the Lord’s protection is covering me. He has taught me to rely on God. He has hugged me when I felt unloved. He has been a picture of Jesus Christ to me. He has showed me what it means to be loved in a physical way the way that Christ loves me. He has been the best earthly father a girl could ever ask for. He has showed me the Gospel. And he is exactly what I want my husband to be like, somebody who brings me closer to my Heavenly Father, who continues teaching me to be more like Christ and convicts me when I am not being like Christ. He is a Light in the midst of the lost, and he is a sheep desiring more then anything for the people he loves most to come to know Christ the way he knows Christ.

He is my daddy, and my father, my dad who can never ever be replaced. I love him so much and I am so thankful for the representation of the Gospel that our relationship has been. I pray my husband treats our daughter as my father has treated me. What a joy it has been in my life to have such an amazing, humble, dad and I cannot wait to spend eternity with him worshipping our Heavenly Father. "The Lord is my strength and my song, and He has become my salvation; this is my God, and I will praise Him, MY father's God, and I will exalt Him." (Exodus 15:2)

And then there is another part of this blog that relates to this being fathers day. These precious girls I have been speaking to at Rays of Hope are fatherless, but the have a Father that is better then any earthly father could ever be. So how does He show them that? He shows them by speaking softly to their hearts, by whispering to them and telling them they are worth so much more then what those men are giving them. He calls them to be holy and honorable people by abstaining from sexual immorality. I taught them from 1 Thessalonians 4:3-4 and while teaching them I was reminded of my imperfections, and by God’s grace and the Spirit inside of me, the Gospel was poured over each of those beautiful girls. After hearing the beautiful message of the Gospel the Lord opened up their hearts and they began speaking to me. They began sharing with me how they struggle and I shared with them how I have struggled with the same things.

When I was standing in front of them listening to the Spirit speak to them He called me out of my sin and called me to a new room in His heart. He showed me that the place He is taking me to is a place deeper within His heart, to a place where I can feel Him breathing, a place where He wants each of those girls to be. He showed me a place deep within His bosom where He holds His keys. He showed me that He wants to take me to many places for me to open up my heart and speak. He showed me the testimony He has given me is a testimony which cannot be duplicated. He showed me that in this place deep within Himself, there is no place for selfishness or conceit. He showed me that I must leave behind any idols I once had. He showed me that in that place I will be asked to do things that before I would not have been comfortable doing. He has begun to hold me to a higher standard in order for me to be placed in a deeper place within Him. He has showed me that as I move down the hallway to that deeper place there will be a light that is brighter then anything I can imagine, and that light is going to burn away my sinful flesh. He has showed me that when I move into that new room deep within Him, there is no turning back there is no running away there is no going back to the sinful desires of this world. There is no being okay with the ways of the world. There is no shyness when it comes to His work, but only boldness in Jesus Christ. There is no boasting in myself but in Him alone. There is no pride in the things He will use me to do, but these things will only be seen as portrayals of His glory. "You have led in your steadfast love the people whom you have redeemed; you have guided them by your strength to your holy abode." (Exodus 15:13). An abode hidden in His bosom deep inside His heart.

And if I believe that this place exists, that this room was created especially for me, and if I believe with all of my heart that Jesus Christ is the son of God, that he died on the cross because I was a sinful person, and in His resurrection He justified me, and made it possible for me to move into that room then the Lord Jesus Christ will receive glory and honor and praise for every single day of my life, and Satan will have no effect on my day. He will tempt me and taunt me and stand in front of me begging for me to come to him, but I will remind in the shadow of the Almighty, I will remain in the palm of His hand, living and breathing as He lives and breathes. I will see miracles happen before my eyes. I will see His lost children hear Him calling them and they will run to Him. I will see Him provide for hungry fatherless and motherless children. I will see these beautiful girls who have no earthly father to look up to, look up to a Father who exceeds all their expectations for a father. I will walk into a land flowing with milk and honey behind Jesus, seeing Him call the little children to Him. I will see Muslim people fall to their face worshipping the One True God, Jesus Christ. I will see Hindu people burn down the idols they created with their own hands and worship the Lord Jesus Christ who could never be created by human hands. I will see people who do not believe in a god, come to live and breathe the word of God and experience the presence of the Living God. And the only reason I will see this is because this is what He sees, and this is what His heart desires for each of His children to see.

So in this room that He has prepared for me, as I walk in, I would ask and encourage all of you reading this blog to ask the Lord to show you the room He has prepared for you. I ask you to fall on your knees and ask Him to reveal to you the next step He has planned for you. Fall to your face and beg Him to show you His glory that we may all be prepared for the great work that is ahead of us. There are lost hearts and souls desiring to find a purpose in life and they are all around us waiting to hear the Gospel of the good news of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. My friends, my sisters, my brothers, turn to Him and see Him and the room He is preparing for you to move into. When you reach that place deep inside His bosom, you will never ever look back wondering what would have happened if you had stayed in your sin. You will see things you never dreamed you would see. You will be a part of the body of Christ, a body that will never stop working, but with all of its members working together, it (we) will see the world come to know Jesus Christ. “So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander. Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation—if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good” (1 Peter 2:1-3). And oh my how sweet the Lord is. Taste Him for who He is and what He has done for you. Taste the pure honey that His love has been to you. Taste the sanctifying blood that has poured over you to cover you and to protect you. Once you taste and see, the Light will come and it will burn away the evil passions of your flesh. “As you come to Him, a living stone rejected by men but in the sight of God chosen and precious, you yourselves like living stones are being built up as a spiritual house, to be a holy priesthood, to offer spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ.” (1 Peter 2:4-5). These sacrifices are the sacrifices of the flesh, piece by piece you offer your life to our Lord, and He is pleased with each convicting sacrifice you make. He sees it and he is pleased with it because He receives all glory and honor and praise. LIKE BABIES we wait to move into that deeper part of our Father’s bosom, to be near Him and to be like Him.

Prayer requests: I am going to be putting a donation link on the side of my blog for those who want to start donating to Rays of Hope, everything will go to helping out the school and the children, and as soon as I get back to the states we are going to make a website for Rays of Hope.

2. I just finished a very “provocative” painting that faces the mosque right next to Rays of Hope. Pray the words of John 14:6 written in Swahili, English, and Lugandan, will sink into the hearts of those who will walk by the school and see them. Pray that the light of the Gospel through those words would shine into that mosque and call those inside to look towards Jesus. Pray there will be no harsh response to the Gospel being put that close to the mosque and so permanently. Pray the Lord will speak to the whole community through the words written on that wall.

3. Next weekend June 18 we will be hosting the Women’s day at Rays of Hope. 100 women have been invited via invitation, and Jesus will be sharing His story with Muslims, voodoo participators, and the general lost, so pray the Gospel sinks into the hearts of those who hear and that the response is fruitful. Pray the work the Lord does in their heart’s next weekend continues after next weekend. The theme of the day is “No Greater love than this”

4. While walking into the school on Friday we witnessed a little girl being spanked for her behavior. We asked Joel what had happened and this 8 year old little girl had been hanging out with some men who had been doing cocaine. Pray she will see the wrongness in her participating in that, and pray the Lord gives us the opportunity to love on her and tell her what she is worth. Pray the Lord will give Joel the opportunity to be a fatherlike figure in all of the children’s lives so that they know that somebody cares for them.

5. Joel and I went to see the land that we bought in Gyeza for the new orphanage for the Rays of Hope kids. It is a beautiful peace of land up on a hill that has a view that over looks the valley. Pray the Lord will provide contacts with people who want to donate to help out or just to pray. Ask the Lord to cover this place with Jesus Christ’s blood that those children may have a place of peace and rest. As we walked around the property I noticed that it was a very quiet place, and what a picture of the gospel it is to see those children be able to move from a place of chaos and shouting to a place of peace and rest where they can learn to be true African children in the shelter of Jesus Christ. Pray the Lord will provide the buildings that need to be resurrected on that land. Pray He will show us exactly what He wants the orphanage to look like and how He wants it to run. Pray the Lord shows Joel who He wants Joel to partner with. Pray He provides a means for the children to receive meals while they are waiting to move to Gyeza. Pray the Lord will provide more land near the Rays of Hope orphanage so a church and school can be built for the community of Gyeza.

6. General health: so I have now been sick for about 2 weeks. I expected to be attacked physically mentally and spiritually but this physical attack has made me get tired fast. I also felt very weak while painting John 14:6 on the walls next to the mosque. It is crazy to imagine the spiritual warfare that was going on as I was praying and painting those words on the wall, but it was very encouraging that I finished it without getting yelled out or without falling off of the chair that was on top of a table that I was standing on :)

"If you will diligently listen to the voice of the Lord your God, and do that which is right in His eyes, and give ear to His commandments and keep all His statutes, I will put none of the diseases on you that I put on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, your HEALER." Exodus 15:26

TIA (this is Africa) moments:

Grasshoppers for dinner

Enjoying a cold shower

Water running off of my body in the shower is always brown: sign of a free spray on tan :)

Sitting in traffic for 2 hours to get to a place 10 miles away.

More to come.....

The burdens are many, and the bearers are few.

2011-06-07T12:28:00.000-07:00

the burdens are many, and the bearers are few.

On Wednesday as I was serving the children their bread I noticed some scars on one of the little girl’s arms in P4. I didn’t say anything right away but the Lord kept reminding me to ask Joel about her. While standing there feeding the other children I asked Joel who she was and he thought I was talking about another little girl who had scars on her hands. After figuring out which girl I was talking about he called her over and I told him that she was the one I saw. After talking to him for a little bit he said, “wait till I tell you her story, you haven’t even seen all of her scars, do you want to see.” I said yes in hesitation because I was afraid she might be

embarrassed to show me but she was not shy at all. We went into Joel’s office and she opened up her shirt and I immediately began to weep. This poor little girl has such an incredibly sad story. When she was 3 years old she lived with her dad and step mom and she asked her step-mom for water. Her step-mom became frustrated that she asked for it so she purposefully spilt the boiling hot water all over Shaamira. Shaamira now has 3^rd degree burn scars all over her body and the pain does not stop there. As she continues to grow her skin is stretched into ways that it shouldn’t be stretched because of the burns. We asked her if it hurts and she points to her chest and says it hurts every day. Her right arm will not open all of the way because of the way the doctors sewed her skin back together. I know the stories keep piling up and the stories are mixing together but this little girl, Shaamira needs physical help. She needs to see an American doctor to see if there is anything that can be done for her skin. Shaamira has a sweet sweet heart and she does not act like she hurts at all, she hides the pain somewhere deep inside. After asking her if I could take a picture of her so we can find help for her in the United States her eyes lit up. I then told her she is a beautiful girl no matter what her chest looks like and she said, “no I’m not.” As I continued telling her how much I love her on the inside and out, and repeating to her that she is beautiful she walked away. I can’t even imagine how hard it is for her to deal with such a huge physical and emotional scar. The Lord knows what is going on inside her heart, and we pray she may be shown the love He has for her every day, and He remind her how beautiful she is every time a tear comes down her face while thinking about the way she looks.

And it is all about Jesus Christ. It is about the fact that He has called her to a place in His heart where nobody can go, a place where she is protected from anybody who would make fun of her or call her names. She is surrounded by angels who guard her heart. So this is what we pray, that even today while she is on this earth temporarily she will feel the presence of the Lord next to her, and she will see the angels surrounding her.

Today, Monday, was a glorious day at Rays of Hope in the beginning. They put on a special production for Emilie and I, and Joel decided he wanted me to usher in the new prefects, so what a joy it was to be given the opportunity to rejoice with the students who have great behavior, and who are loved by others at the school.

But then in the afternoon a lady brought this little girl named Patricia back to the school and told Joel where she found her. She was in a man’s house being used for her body and she was screaming when the lady walked into the house. She grabbed the girl and noticed she had a Rays of Hope uniform on, so she brought her to the school. Patricia is 10 years old and decided she was willing to give her body to a man because she was hungry for some food.

You guys, these children badly need help. I am so desperate to help them, they are such innocent children being sold to wolves. They are lambs going to be slaughtered in this town they live in. “Go your way behold, I am sending you out as lambs in the midst of wolves.” (Luke 10:3). These little children are the lambs the babies of our Holy Father, and they are among ravenous wolves. And if they do not receive help, if they don’t receive a laborer who has come to bear the weight of that town with the other laborers that are there (Joel and his mom), they will never see the daylight. They will be raised in the sin that their families are so entangled in. Kabalagala needs a Ray of Hope, it needs Rays of Hope, it needs the Rays of Hope that Jesus Christ offers..

We are hoping to organize a support system because these children need help as soon as possible. So I need suggestions?! How much do you think people would be willing to give monthly to get these children a meal every day so they don’t have to sell their body’s? Please respond to this post and let me know what you all think. These are desperate times and when these children are so desperate to eat they will do whatever they can to get that food. I believe in the Lord and His grace in these children’s lives, but I also believe the Lord has blessed me with a life in the United States in order to share this news with you so that we can respond with love and grace that the Lord so graciously gave us.

Today, Tuesday I received the blessed opportunity to talk to Patricia about what she did yesterday. It never fails to surprise me how much Jesus wants to show these children love even when they are as disobedient as she was. I kept on thinking before I saw her, what would I say to her if I could talk to her, and then the Lord gave me the opportunity to talk to her. I said “Jangu Patricia,” which in Lugandan means come here Patricia. When she walked over to me I told her to never do that again and she shook her head and said yes. And Joel repeated to her in Lugandan “do you promise auntie Lauren that you will never do that again?” and she shook her head. I then looked at her in the eyes and touched her and said, do you know you are worth more then that. She looked away and shook her head saying no. I looked at her again and she began to cry and I said, “Patricia you are worth so much more then what that man was going to give you for what you were doing for him. Do you know that.” As tears swelled up in her eyes she shook her head and said, “yes.” This little girl was willing to give her body to a man for some maybe 25 cents, and Jesus Christ hung on a cross for her. May this truth sink deep into her heart as she falls asleep tonight wondering how she will find enough money to eat tomorrow.

I mean I can’t stand it these poor children are being raised in situations that I would have never even dreamed were possible. The stories go on, the list goes on, the burdens are many, and the bearers are few. There is A God, the GOD that is big enough to make the entire town of Kabalagala fall to it’s knees and praise Him, and yet He has asked us to be His vessels. He has asked us to intercede on our knees in front of His throne praying for the man that decided it was okay to rape a 10 year old little girl. He loves that man as much as He loves me, and my oh my what hope this gives my soul! What a joy it is to know that as we are interceding on behalf of these children and the people in Kabalagala, Jesus Christ, the Son of God is interceding on their behalf as well. Our prayers are always heard, and the word of the Lord will remain true and faithful always: and I pray this high priestly prayer, along side Jesus Christ my savior, that the words of this scripture would remain true for all of those beautiful children at Rays of Hope, and the people in Kabalagala:

“I am praying for them. I am not praying for the world but for those whom you have given me, for they are yours. All mine are yours, and yours are mine, and I am glorified in them. And I am no longer in the world, but they are in the world, and I am coming to you. Holy Father, keep them in your name, which you have given me, that they may be one, even as we are one. While I was with them, I kept them in your name, which you have given me. I have guarded them, and not one of them has been lost except the son of destruction, that the scripture might be fulfilled. But now I am coming to you, and these things I speak in the world, THAT THEY MAY HAVE MY JOY/your joy FULFILLED IN THEMSELVES. I have given them your word, and the world has hated them because they are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. I do not ask that you take them out of the world, BUT THAT YOU KEEP THEM FROM THE EVIL ONE. They are not of the world, just as I am not of the world. SANCTIFY THEM IN THE TRUTH; your word is truth. As you send me into the world, so I have sent them into the world. And FOR THEIR SAKE I consecrate myself, that they also may be sanctified in truth.” Luke 17:9-19

Lord please sanctify these beautiful people in Kabalagala, for you died that they may receive the truth and when they receive the truth it will set them free from the bondage of sin they are entangled in. Unlock the chains Father, set them free from what they are bowing to. Take away the idols that are set before them and let them pray to the One True God. May they see the light of the Gospel, the power of the grace that you have so freely given them, that will transform them and take them out of their situation. I believe the power of miracles remains, and I believe one of the greatest miracles you have ever shown us was when you wiped our hearts completely clean and made them white as snow. I pray that Kabalagala becomes as white as snow, that your glory may reign in that place, and that the towers of darkness would come crumbling down, that the Light may shine as bright as it ever has. May the Gospel penetrate the hearts of the unbelieving and unfaithful that they may turn to you and cry, Abba, Father. May they HEAR YOU, SEE YOU, AND KNOW YOU for who you are. May you transform their lives into a beautiful story that you created for them before time was time. May you be the God above all false idols, and may you rip them down peace by peace. May you reveal the falseness of the religions they believe in, and may you slash Satan’s hand from those people. What a testimony you have given us to see your grace play out so perfectly in the lives of the children at Rays of Hope, so please Father, make this grace apparent to those children that they may see that you are worth all of their glory honor and praise. May you show them how much you paid for their souls. May the Gospel, the blood of Jesus Christ be real to them, may it sink into their hearts that they may see the intensity of the depth of the sin that their community is tangled in. Jesus Christ, pour your holy blood across Kabalagala and redeem the lives of the drug addicts, alcoholics, prostitutes, and satan worshippers. Call their names Father, call all of their names, that we may see your glory resounding through the hearts of those sinners. May we all recognize that these people are our brothers and sisters as you call them by their name, they are not to be seen as lesser people, but as equal in your Kingdom. May you make Kabalagala a place of refuge for those who are in the Kingdom, that this whole world may know that Kabalagala is your city. May all of this be done to the glory and praise of your Holy Name, that every knee may bow, and every tongue rejoice, and sing that Jesus Christ is Lord, and that you are the God of the whole earth. It is in the precious blood Jesus Christ shed on the cross that we beg you to hear this prayer. Amen.

The Harvest is plenty but the laborers are few. Luke 10:2. May you send the laborers Father, and reap the harvest.

“You are covered by the blood of the One True Lamb”

2011-05-31T14:47:00.000-07:00

So I have been trying to type this blog update for the past 5 days and I just have had a writer’s block. But now it is time, and I pray you persevere through this whole update even though it so long, because the way the Spirit has moved in the past day is miraculous. So here we go…

Jesus is moving in Uganda,sometimes it is hard to see because of all the devastation but I know He is still here. Every story that I tell in the rest of this update is a story about a living soul, a person, not just some made up story to make you feel bad. THESE ARE HUMAN BEINGS and they deserve much greater respect then they get. So I want to tell you all these stories as Joel has told them to me, not to make you feel bad but for you to be praying by name for each ofthese children.
There is this little girl name Hanifa that my mom spent a lot of time with while she was here and she has also captured my heart. She is 12 years old and when Joel (the principal of Rays of Hope where she goes to school, and also one ofmy best friends) found her she was sleeping in bars or finding any place where she could lay her head and men had been raping her. Now she lives with her uncle who sometimes comes home late late at night and beats her, and rarely brings her food. Today I noticed something about her that maybe seems to normally go unnoticed on most children but her shoes…should not even be considered shoes…theyare torn into pieces and have holes every where on them. This precious little girl was created by the Most High God, the One and Only we desire and LONG to worship, she was KNIT TOGETHER IN HER MOTHER’S WOMB. And her precious soul desires more than anything to be loved by somebody.

So if they felt the love of Jesus would their suffering make more sense? It would make it easier for her to endure in the hope of having an eternal life of joy peace and laughter outside of this world, but she doesn’t understand that. She sees what is in front of her: that she must do in the next hour what will help her through the hour after that. And this leads me to how I have felt for the past few days when I have tried to write to all of you.
I came here having already been before and I thought I was prepared to be amongst theforgotten, the lost, and the evil-doers, but I was definitely mistaken. I know not all of you have much experience with spiritual warfare so if you aren’t comfortable with it then you maybe shouldn’t continue reading, but this is important for all of you to know so that you have a prayer point. “For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. So I believe and know now from experience that this country is lost in sin and evil, in the depths of Sheoul. It is a terrifyingly wretched place of witchcraft, and voodoo. The worst part about it all is how beautiful the country is from the outside. And then the Lord reveals Spiritual things to you and takes you into the deeper darker places where we are made aware of the spiritual battle going on.
It began when I stepped foot out of the plane. I was on cloud 9 so excited to be in Uganda and to feel the Lord’s peace about me being here. I found I was the last person in the line to get my visa but I made friends with the lady in front of me and we joked about our luck the whole time. After waiting and waiting and waiting for an hour I was finally reunited with my brothers and sisters! I remember so clearly praying on the way to Sozo, “Lord what would you like to do while I am here?” And the Lord kindly whispered to me, “great things like you would never imagine.”

For the next couple of days I went to Rays of Hope and the kids greeted me with loving arms—all 300 of them :). Joel had a lot he wanted me to do while I am here, so I began work rightaway, and I quickly realized I wasn’t doing what I felt I was called to do while I was here. I had been painting day after day, and everything seemed to take much longer here (T.I.A.right?=This Is Africa). In the evenings I was stressed about spending time with the Sozo children because they didn’t understand anything I was saying, and in postponing going to bed in order to hang out with Brendah, Aggie, and Mato, I found myself making up an excuse to not spend time writing. I see now, but didn’t see then that the enemy was already attacking me. I got sick the 3rd night I was here, was heavily burdened by that, but the Lord continued pursuing me. Joel would tell me the stories of the children and I would be broken hearted by the stories just for the stories not for the human being who was living the story out.
Every time I began to write I questioned my motive and began to realize it was not time. And then last night happened. Sunday I started feeling bad in the evening but I was so thankful to spend time with my sister Kelli on Skype, and to have her lift me up in Jesus’ Name. AndMonday morning I woke up feeling awful. I decided togo work a little later then normal at 9 a.m. and by the time I got there I realized how sick I was. I finished the painting of the logo on the side of the wall, and began sketching the flag but began feeling weak by the afternoon. I didn’t want to push it, well Joel didn’t want me to push it so I left at 1 in the afternoon.

I came back with Joan and Derrick who are being adopted by Amiee. Joan is a sweet little deaf girl who has so much joy in her heart that I am sure if she could speak her words would fill us all with tears of joy every time we heard her. And Derrick is her little brother who loves her no matter what she does to him. He is so patient with her, and has learned to speak to her via hand motions. I loved having them come to the Sozo house with me, but once I reached home I realized my sickness had taken a turn for the worse. I failed tosay anything to Brendah, Aggie, and Maureen until after dinner that evening. By that time I had had no appetite soI hadn’t eaten anything, and when I was ready to go to bed I went to take a shower. After the shower I realized I had a fever and checked and saw that it was a fever of 100.

Stressed, frustrated, and lonely, I decided to go into the girl’s room and say good night to Joan. I sat there for a while talking to Maureen and then we prayed with the girls, which the Lord used to prepare my evening with Him. After praying with the girls I went into my room and laid down with a HUGE desire to read the word. But, oh yea the power wentout. So despite my frustration and anger the Lord pursued me and told me clearly to read His word. So afterfiguring out that my awesome 1990s Nokia phone has a flashlight on it I spent some time reading and then came upon 1 Corinthians 6 and the Lord spoke clearly to me and told me to talk about this with the girls on Thursday. Praise Him. Then after spending some time in prayer and feeling the prayers that were being sent up for me to be healed, I went to sleep in peace knowing the Lord was going to wake me up with strength. And then this morning, found complete truth in His word, “the Joy of the Lord is my strength,” (Nehemiah 8:10). After spending time skyping with Amiee and her family and her new family (Joan and Derrick on my side of the computer) I felt tears coming to my eyes and felt the joy of the Lord filling my Spirit, and reviving my body. And He spoke to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made PERFECT in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)
So this day and the rest of my days here in Uganda, I pray His power is made perfect in my weakness, that in my weakness there is room for people to boast only in the Lord Jesus Christ. Today, I decided to go to work again painting at Rays of Hope despite my lovely Ugandan brothers and sisters telling me to rest. And I accomplished more today then I have in the past week :). This is a true revelation of the Spirit. And this evening, thanking the Lord for the darkness that He has overcome, and for those of you praying for me back in the States, I began to have a burden for those children at Rays of Hope as if I could see them through the eyes of our Savior.

So here are these little children, standing in front of me staring at me as if they wish they could live my life. Is it Jesus they see or is it me, as Lauren Bond? I pray with all of my strength with every last breath within me they may see Jesus Christ standing in front of them. And I pray the burden of having white skin would not prevent them from seeing the True celebrity and the only One worth paying attention to, Jesus Christ. And I can’t help but weep when I look intotheir precious eyes because I know they have lived a life of inhumanity. They have suffered things you and I would never imagine were possible.

Many of the girls at ROH have been raped at very young ages, and one of the girls even could not walk because she was so young when she was raped. Pray they may find peace knowing the Lord sees them as a pure child.
Another little girl named Fiona has both female and male external body parts but no internal body parts for either sex. Joel found out she will never be able to have kids. She has lived her whole life bragging about the fact she has both female and male body parts, only to find out that she is neither. She was born a girl and the male body part did not form until after her auntie had prayed her soul over to the witch doctor. Pray that she would become a woman despite this evil that has been cast on her. Pray the Lord will reveal Himself to her and herlittle brother, and their auntie.

A majority of the children at ROH have AIDS. And all of those who do have AIDS theirparentshave died or

are suffering through the final stages of AIDS. Pray these children may be healed of this ravenous disease caused by the sin and lust of corrupt human being’s lives. Pray these girls will stop selling their body’s to m

en for 200-400 shillings (10-20 CENTS).Pray they may be consumed by the love of the Lord and that this love may be proclaimed to all of those surrounding them.

A majority of the children at rays of hope have been handed over to the devil by their "aunties"(the women that take care of them). These aunties practice voodoo and visit witch doctors. The practice of voodoo is very prevalent here and causes the whole country to be submitted to spiritual persecution by the demons that eagerly wait for souls to fall into temptation. They wait fearcefully for the children to be sacrificed to th

eir father, the Enemy, the father of lies. “you are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies” (John 8:44).
And this father of lies is telling these children they have no hope, they have no way to live unless they sell themselves or sell drugs to make enough money to eat one piece of bread a day. This isn’t true. It’s not true. Tell the enemy he has no place at Rays of Hope and that every one of those children are children of the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Intercede on behalf of the hearts of those children who are in a home right now where there is no bed, or their watcher beats them. Pray they may feel the Lord’s peace reigning o

ver them. Pray the Lord will provide a home for all of them all 250 of them, away from the sin that entangles Kabalagala (the slum the school is in).

Pray the enemy’s schemes to plant a mosque right next to the school will not have any strength against the strength and power of our Lord Jesus Christ at Rays of Hope. Pray all those who

attend the prayer services at the mosque may come to know Christ by the scripture being painted on the wall in front of their window. Pray the Lord’s peace will transcend and people will know it must only be from the Lord because it surpasses all human understanding we may have.

On June 18 I will be doing a women's day at Rays of hope where the aunties and grandmas of the children are going to come to the school and Jesus is going to feed them, wash their feet, and paint their fingernails. This will also be a time where the G

ospel is witnessed and shared. I am praying that those aunties and grandmas who have been practicing voodoo on their children will come to know and see Christ and see that He is

so much more worthy of the glory and honor and praise they have been vainly giving to Satan. So keep this Saturday specifically in your prayers.

Pray the Lord may continue revealing Himself to those at Rays of hope, and pray the Lord will continue revealing to me what He will teach the older girls on Thursdays.
O an the reason for the title of this blog: “You are covered by the blood of the One True Lamb”
This evening we were watching the news and they were showing the rituals the witch doctors do, and they even showed a video of the lady who is in charge of all the witch doctors in Uganda (Pray she will come to know Christ, because this would in turn lead

many others to come to know and experience Jesus Christ as their savior and redeemer). I felt a certain uneasiness with it being so accessible to see but the Lord consumed me with the

Spirit and as I walked away seeing a calf being sacrificed, the Lord said to me, “You are covered by the blood of the One True Lamb” Praise the Lord for I am indeed a sinner, caught in the amazing grace of our sweet Loving Savior, Jesus Christ. May His name resound through the heavens, and may by His power, I be found in weakness, only to rely on Him alone.

“Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances tak

e up the shield of faith, WITH WHICH YOU CAN EXTINGUISH ALL THE FLAMING DARTS OF THE EVIL ONE; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which i

s the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication FOR ALL THE SAINTS,
and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chain

s, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.” Ephesians 6:13-20

Emotional beginning to an unforgettable journey

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Is it not, for all it’s sting, a wonderful way to live [my sisters and brothers]? To dream, and want and pray, almost savagely; then to commit and wait and see Him quietly pile all dreams aside and replace them with what we could not dream, the REALIZED WILL? Jim Elliot

“I delight in knowing that there is something in me which must fall prostrate before God when He reveals Himself to me, and also in knowing that if I am ever to be raised up it must be by the hand of God. God can do nothing for me UNTIL I RECOGNIZE THE LIMITS OF WHAT IS HUMANELY POSSIBLE< allowing Him to do the impossible.”

Wednesday, May 18, 2011: I don’t really know how to start this because I have an idea of what I want to write about, but I just don’t know how to put it into words. This week has been the longest most emotional roller coaster I have ever been on. I went from having confidence that the Lord is sending me to Uganda, to full assurance that that is exactly where He wants me to be. I have said over and over again in full confidence, “I am going to Uganda and the Middle East this summer to work.” But just this week I realized that is not the way I should state it, in fact, it is a sinful thing to state it this way. How dare I leave out the most important reason I am going, and the only reason I am going. Jesus Christ, the son of God, the One worth living for, is sending me to a distant shore, to a beautiful place, to spread the Gospel to those who haven’t heard. And may I rest assured He has forgiven me for not speaking and praising Him every moment I get the chance.

Thursday, May 19, 2011: Today I turned 21 years old. To this world that means, I get to drink alcohol legally, and this moment is what so many 20 year olds and younger, wait for, to finally have a legal drink. But it doesn’t mean the same to me. In fact, it means quite the opposite, it means that I have wasted one more year in my selfishness, not showing the Gospel to all of the people the Lord placed in my path. Today has been a humbling day, as the Lord spoke to me and said to only boast in Him, and not anything that I can do. So what is it? Why is every single breath harder to breathe? Why am I struggling to maintain the weight on my shoulders, when I know that Jesus Christ has already carried the burden for me? Because I haven’t truly surrendered one last thing to Him, with the last of it in me. I want to give it all away. I want to surrender this last bit within me, and yet there is something holding on to it. Something within my flesh that just will not let go. Despite my attempts at surrendering it to the Lord the first thing in the morning, so I do not dwell on it all day long, I still think about it. It is so annoying. I will beg and beg and beg the Lord to take the burden away from me but He still doesn’t. Some days are better then others but my birthday just happened to be one of the worse days.

Sunday, May 22, 2011: It has been fully surrendered to the Lord. I now have all of the strength and encourage by the power of Christ within me to go to Uganda and the Middle East to spread the Gospel. May His praise be ever on my lips as I rejoice knowing this burden I have had has been lifted off of my shoulders. I am filled with an inexpressible joy that the Lord is sending me as a single woman, alone, to the uttermost parts of the world to tell of His goodness and worthiness. May He present me with Christian brothers and sisters in both Uganda and the Middle East to partner with and work with! I know this prayer is imperative, because I must have accountability with my Father and my brothers and sisters! This has been a beautiful and sacrificial day! And the peace that has transcended over me-as I relinquished my last burden I was holding on to-has surpassed any peace I could have manufactured myself. And now the road leads to what He has placed in front of me: wake up at 9 am, take a shower to wash away all of my burden, and know that His mercies are new tomorrow morning, get on a plane to Philadelphia, then a plane to Belgium, then a stop in Rwanda, then a flight to Uganda. These are the steps I know. All else and even in these He has the freedom to do as He pleases and wills.

Monday, May 23, 2011: And my journey begins today. I am 21 years old going to a place thousands of miles away. I had to say goodbye to my family and friends, and no matter how old I am, I still cry every time I think about leaving them. I don’t know why it’s so hard for me to comprehend the love of Christ in sending me to Uganda alone. I keep on thinking somebody needs to pinch me and wake me up from this dream. I may be seen as a righteous person for going to Uganda, but honestly when I see other people saying, “wow, she is going to Uganda” I almost think, “Who’s going to Uganda?” Not me. My biggest prayer during this time is that people only see the love and joy of Christ going to Uganda. I pray my flesh is broken and allows the Spirit to speak fluently. I feel the presence of the Spirit consuming my whole body, and if He makes me able to hold on to that this whole trip, I know He will perform many amazing miracles in front of my eyes.

I am trying to ponder the last few months of my life and the specific things He ordained to allow me to experience before being sent out to Uganda, and I cannot even begin to understand most of them. Especially the friendships He ordained. I did not even know Katelyn until the end of August, and we didn’t begin our friendship until a few months later. Now, I don’t know where the time went, and I can’t understand why we didn’t have more time together, but I am so thankful for all the Lord did in our friendship and sisterhood. I love her so much and praise God for our quick friendship. She is one of the most beautiful young women that I know, and I do feel safe calling her a young woman because she has taken on so many characteristics of Christ and matured into a God-fearing, loving woman. I know that while she is in Botswana, the Lord is going to do more work in her heart, and I probably won’t even recognize her when I return, but I know that we will still remain connected in the Spirit. “I therefore a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called o the one hope that belongs to your call-one Lord, one faith, one baptism, on God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. But grace was given to each one of us according to the measure of Christ’s gift.” (Ephesians 4:1-7).

And then there is Kayla, I literally have hung out with her 2 times since I first met her, and I cried saying bye to her on friday. It just never fails me how the Lord places people in our lives at the most opportune time to show His glory. This girl is on fire. I don’t think I have met somebody so devoted to the Lord and the Lord alone, to His word, and His love and adoration. I pray the fire that is inside her sweet soul continues to be lit by the believers that surround her in Malaysia, and that it would light a fire in the hearts of those around her nonbelievers and believers alike. Being around her is one of the most encouraging things the Lord has given me. And what a precious gift to be given before I left to go to Uganda. I am so thankful for the Lord giving her to me as a gift, to encourage me and pray for me as He sends me out, and I am blessed to be given the opportunity to pray for her as the Lord uses her as His vessel to spread the Gospel in Malaysia.

And my sweet, precious sister, Kelli. WOW. I can literally just sit here and laugh because I/we have no idea how our friendship came to be so centered on Christ. It came out of nowhere. One minute we were both jealous of each other’s friendship with Leslie, and then in a matter of weeks/days, we became spiritually united in a bond that cannot be broken. After praying for months to be sent to the Middle East with her, we came to realize she was not supposed to go. I think this was the most trying time in deciding whether I should go to the Middle East or not. I remember sitting in the car in Mississippi and Kelli texted me telling me she had “bad” news. She didn’t want to tell me then, but I knew immediately in my heart that it meant she was not going with me to the Middle East. At that time, I felt immediately upset/burdened, and felt I could not bear going anymore. Instantly the Lord said to me, “you were willing to go when your sister was going with you and you knew you would be able to lean on each other, but are you still willing to go by yourself, only relying on Me?” SO it seemed, I was being asked a question of obedience. What is the cost of obedience? The cost of obedience for me and for all who choose to believe in the perfect sovereign will of the Lord, is complete, and total surrender of every aspect of our lives, and being willing to go wherever He may call you, not matter how hard it would be. Kelli’s act of obedience was just as hard as mine, because she wanted to go, but in complete surrender she realized the Lord had special plans for her in the States. And I don’t know what I would do without her friendship. She helped me do everything to prepare for this trip. And she asked to be my prayer leader/warrior. This seemed to make perfect sense after a while because this past year the Lord has been showing us how our Spirit’s are connected and how we know when the other person needs prayer. It didn’t make sense to either of us that we both felt she was called to go with me, but then it make perfect sense, because the Lord needed somebody in the states interceding on my behalf for the Gospel to be spread in Uganda and J.
“Finally, all of you, have unity of mind, sympathy, brotherly love, a tender heart, and a humble mind.” (1 Peter 3:8).

And this is my prayer, that the 4 of us no matter how far away from each other that we are, that we would be united in one Spirit loving and praising the God that gives us life and breath. I praise Him for the past week at the beach with Kelli and Kayla and how Acts 2 was lived out: “And they devoted themselves to the apostle’s teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers. And awe came upon every soul, and many wonders and signs were being done through the apostles. And all who believed were together and had all things in common. And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need. And day by day, attending the temple together and breaking bread in their homes, they received their food with glad and generous hearts, praising god and having favor with all the people. And the Lord added to their number day by day those who were being saved” (Acts 2:42-47). I now that because of this past week at the beach and the unity that we had, He will be seen and exalted, and He used that time to prepare us for this summer. He is scattering us, so as Nahum 2 says, may we “man the ramparts; watch the road, dress for battle and collect our strength.”

“Thou whose almighty word chaos and darkness heard and took their flight hear us we humbly pray and where the Gospel’s ray sheds not it’s glorious day, let there be light!”

Is it not, for all it’s sting, a wonderful way to live [my sisters and brothers]? To dream, and want and pray, almost savagely; then to commit and wait and see Him quietly pile all dreams aside and replace them with what we could not dream, the REALIZED WILL? Jim Elliot

So we give you our dreams, wills, and aspirations, and pray expecting you to use our lives for your utmost glory! May you our Lord and Savior be praised throughout this world this summer and to the end of the age. May your kingdom come and your will be done. If you call us to the fire, you will not withdraw your hand, we will gaze into the flames and look for you.

He has absolutely ruined my life.

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He has absolutely ruined my life.

He has knocked me down so far that all I can see is His face. I can’t see myself I can’t see anybody else I can only see the beautiful glory of the most High God. Everything I once held dear, I count it all as loss. I can’t go to Uganda and Jordan and save everybody there. I can’t sit here and pretend that I can save the whole world. I can’t even sit here and tell people that I am excited about this trip, because right now in this moment the Lord spoke to me and told me how hard it is going to be. It’s not going to be a walk in the park. It’s not going to be a stroll in the city. It is going to be a scene of violence where the most beautiful angels anybody could ever imagine will face the enemy’s sword. It’s a warfare. It’s a battle between a worthy God, and a evil enemy. It’s a fight, It’s a fight for the lost souls in this world. There are too many for me to save. There are too many for any one of us to save, and so I rest knowing that He can do it all in a blink of an eye. He could blink His eye and this would all be over. He would create a new heaven and a new earth and we would rejoice in praising Him and worshiping Him for eternity.
But it’s not like that, because “this gospel of the kingdom will be proclaimed throughout the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come” (Matthew 24:14). And so we must go. How do we go? He calls us. Where do we go? Where He calls us. How do we know where He is calling us. We listen.

It’s a tough thing to listen to God. It’s tough to learn to desire to hear from God. And He had created in me a desire to hear from Him, until He told me the thing I didn’t want to hear, “Go.”

It has been easy up until this moment to say that I will be gone this summer for 3 months. It has been easy to say that I am going to Uganda to preach the gospel to little children. It has even been easy to say that I am going to Jordan to reach Muslims. But it isn’t that easy to do. It had not hit me until this week, and I am not sure if it is because I am getting closer to the time I am supposed to leave, or if it is just a huge emotional rush. So here I am. I say I am happy to go for Him, but I wish that it was an easier place to go too. But that confirms the calling right? Why would He call us to a place where we wouldn’t have to rely on Him to sustain us?

That is it. He wouldn’t. I am called to these places because He knew I would end up being among the Ugandans as the only American, and that by His grace He would give me the strength to continue working for 4 weeks. He also knew that I would not have somebody right next to me as I traveled to Jordan and when I lived there. He knew I would have to pray and seek His guidance to ask for a Christian sister when I get there. He also ordained that I would live with a missionary family and learn what it actually looks like to raise children in another context. He knew that all of these things would prepare me for the next step He has for me.

As I was laying on the beach this afternoon the overwhelming truth that I am not ready to go, came over me, and became a burden so heavy that I could not bare it alone. But as I walked back to the condo with tears streaming down my face I realized that I am in the exact place I asked Him to place me a few weeks ago. I asked Him to break me down, make me nothing, and to ultimately put me in the most humbling place I have ever been. So here I am, a (almost 21 year old girl) about to go to places of spiritual depravation, completely different spiritual depravation, but depravation all the same. I can’t do it. I cannot go at this alone, in fact I can’t do anything in those countries, unless it is true that the Lord is within me, leading me and guiding me. It is Him in the slums of Uganda, it is Him leading the children of Rays of Hope in a prayer, it is Him bonding with the Muslim women in Jordan. Only He can.

As I walked back to the condo I felt the Lord wiping the tears from my eyes and making a smile on my face by speaking to me, “I have ruined your life.” And it didn’t bring more tears to my eyes, it revived me, and reminded me that I am exactly where He wants me to be, completely reliant on Him, unable to stand without His breath in my lungs.
Shout out to all of those friends who think I am crazy for going to spend my summer in another context, I am not the one you should think is crazy, the Lord is. I would not have it any other way. If He wasn’t doing unexpected things in my life, and changing my plans daily, then I would be worried I wasn’t hearing from Him. He has ruined my life, and then formed it into a better life then I could have ever dreamed of. I am running this race, but I am not running it alone, and I am thankful that He will be leading me every step of the way.

A life worth living is a life lost to the good and perfect will of our Creator.

I'll be waiting for you baby.

2011-05-09T01:17:00.000-07:00

I ADJURE YOU, O DAUGHTERS OF JERUSALEM,
BY THE GAZELLES OR THE DOES OF THE FIELD,
THAT YOU NOT STIR UP OR AWAKEN LOVE UNTIL IT PLEASES.
SONG OF SOLOMON 2:7

In the past few days I have completely given something over to the Lord, my worry for a husband/boyfriend/someone to satisfy my longing to love. I had fooled myself into believing that I was completely satisfied with being single, but truly the Lord has now transformed my heart and I have now felt complete and found sufficiency in love with the Lord and only the Lord. At the end of August 2010 I began a walk with the Lord that would lead me to a place of total surrender. I made a promise to the Lord that I would remain single for a year. Knowing that it seemed crazy, but wanting to take on the challenge as spurred on by the Spirit I began surrendering every opportunity to be with a guy unto the Lord. There have been good seasons and bad seasons on this road of singleness, but most recently (3 days ago) I hit a day of total surrender and the beginning of a good good season. I have been thinking upon this summer and the idea of me being alone throughout my 3 month adventure to Uganda and Jordan. I have thought of how much the Lord is going to transform my heart and make me into the woman He would have me be for my husband. I feel I am entering one of the best seasons of my life, as I completely rely on the Lord to be my sufficient grace, mercy, and protection. He is worthy. He is able. He will guide me as He pleases. And then I thought of my past and how there is no way the Lord could be using me as He desires to use me if I was with a man of God right now. He has created this season of singleness for a glorious reason! He gives me life, and breath, and I simply can’t seem to get enough of Him. He feels so close to me that my flesh can’t handle His presence, it simply trembles at the thought of my sweet precious Savior being so close to me. This morning at Brook Hills as I was worshipping next to two “strangers” I felt the power of the Spirit and the unity of the body as we sang Yahweh. Tears ran down my face because I knew everybody in that room was tied together as the body of Christ, the church, and the Bride of Christ. I felt insignificant, and completely reliant upon the body. This is God’s greatest desire right? To see His kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven right? It gives me the greatest joy, and the greatest amount of manna.

My beloved, the one the Lord is preparing for me, cannot feed me manna, he cannot supply spiritual food for me, the Lord is the only one who can provide this for me. My Beloved cannot be my idol, my hope to marry someone cannot be my ultimate source of joy. I cannot find satisfaction by dreaming of my wedding or my honey moon, my Jesus, my Savior is the only One who can give me true satisfaction that will never fade or fail. My Beloved will be human, he will fail, but I know that the work the Lord is doing on his heart right now is far more important then me trying to find him right now. I should rest in knowing that at the right moment the Lord will present my love to me, and we will stand in front of each other, fully prepared for the work the Lord will give us to do together. We will work towards one goal, making Jesus Christ known in this world by going throughout the nations telling people of the death, resurrection, and sanctification of Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior. We will not have time to fight because we will only be worried about Kingdom causes not selfish gain. I pray the Lord is preparing me right now to be selfless and submissive. I pray the Lord is preparing my heart to serve my husband as if I was serving Christ. This summer, I fully expect the Lord to quiet my soul, to give me peace and understanding, and to create in me an undying love for His people. How can we let something so petty as finding a husband, or getting married, consume our minds, when we know there is only one reason the Lord has placed on this earth, to be a disciple and make disciples? There is more to life ladies then getting married and having children. Our hope is not found in these earthly things, our hope is found in Jesus Christ. Find completely and total sufficiency in our Savior, and at the right time, Lord willing, He will give you somebody you never dreamed you would marry, somebody better then all of your dreams. As Janette has said, “when he speaks you will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom, his ability to lead will remind you of Moses, his faith will remind you of Abraham, his confidence in God’s word will remind you of Daniel, his inspiration will remind you of Paul, his heart for God will remind you of David, his attention to detail will remind you of Noah, your integrity will remind me of Joseph, his ability to abandon his own will will remind you of the disciples, but his ability to love selflessly and unconditionally will remind you of Christ. And my sisters, the word of God will be all over his heart and he will find you, where there is boldness of Ester, meets the warm closeness of Ruth, with the hospitality of Lydia, is aligned with the submission of Mary, and she is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah, we my sisters, will be the ones drenched in Proverbs 31.

BUT to our Father, our Father who knew us before we were born into this world, only if He should see fit. We shall desire His will above ours, so even if He calls us to a life of singleness, our heart is content in Him. HE IS THE GREATEST LOVE STORY EVER TOLD. THE GREATEST LOVE EVER KNOWN. He is forever our judge and we are forever His witness. And I pray, sisters, we are always found on a mission about our Father’s business.” (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igCj3jsbcqs&feature=youtu.be) He is worthy of waiting for our entire life. He is returning and we must be ready. Will we wait always for our husband having our focus on finding him, or will we wait for our eternal Father, the One who will come back to receive us?

Ladies, if you think there is nobody out there like this, you are wrong. The Lord is preparing this exact man for you right now, we just have to learn to wait for God’s best. Love is waiting.

In the autumn on the ground,
between the traffic and the ordinary sounds
I am thinking signs and seasons while a north wind blows through
I watch as lovers pass me by
Walking stories - whos and hows and whys
Musing lazily on love
Pondering you
I'll give it time, give it space and be still for a spell
When it's time to walk that way we wanna walk it well

I'll be waiting for you baby
I'll be holding back the darkest night
Love is waiting til we're ready, til it's right
Love is waiting

It's my caution not the cold
there's no other hand that i would rather hold
the climate changes, I'm singing for the strangers about you
don't keep time, slow the pace
Honey hold on if you can
the bets are getting surer now that you're my man

I could write a million songs about the way you say my name
I could live a lifetime with you and then do it all again
and like I can't force the sun to rise or hasten summer's start,
neither should I rush my way into your heart

I ADJURE YOU, O DAUGHTERS OF JERUSALEM,
BY THE GAZELLES OR THE DOES OF THE FIELD,
THAT YOU NOT STIR UP OR AWAKEN LOVE UNTIL IT PLEASES.
SONG OF SOLOMON 2:7

MY PRAYER THIS SUMMER for you all:

I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mind for you all making my prayer with joy, because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. It is right for me to feel this way about you all, because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the gospel. For God is my witness, how I YEARN FOR YOU ALL FOR THE AFFECTION OF CHRIST JESUS. And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God. Philippians 1:3-11

Jim Elliot

2011-05-04T11:29:00.000-07:00

What will hell be like enraged by unslaked lust and made seven times hotter with the vengeance of an outraged God? Oh, to think of these men and women these happy boys and girls going there. Father, save them I pray; grace only make me to differ. When will the Spirit's power make me a witness of the things which I have seen and heard?

Was sensitively touched at reading H. Taylor's love victory. I cannot understand man, even godly man. having been conquered by a power unseen and willingly owning the sway of the Absolute thus "finding himself" and satiating the ultimate longings of his breast, he can ache with a perfect fury to be subjected still further to the rule of woman's love. Or perhaps it is his desire to possess, having been strangely dispossessed by owning Christ as Lord. And within I feel the very same. Oh that Christ were all and enough for me. He is supposed to be, and I dare not say, "why hast Thou made me thus?" Oh, to be swept away in a flood of consuming passion for Jesus that all desire might be sublimated to Him. Copied out a few lines from "Born crucified" yesterday which I must learn:

The cross fell like a two-edged sword
of heavenly temper keen,
And double were the wounds it made
Where'er it glanced between.
Twas death to sin, 'twas life
To all who mourned for sin.
It kindled and it silenced strife
Made war and peace within.
L.E. Max well

~ Whole selection from Jim Elliots journals summer 1948

He must increase, but I must decrease

2011-05-03T19:32:00.000-07:00

There is this feeling in my soul. It is an unstoppable passion, a passion spurred on by the Spirit inside of me. It never wants to stop, HE never wants to stop. My soul desires to be connected to the Father, in a connection bonded with chains that cannot be broken. I love my Father and my Father loves me. My Father loves His children, He is sovereign, and in His sovereignty over 300 tornadoes tore through the southeast, tearing apart families, homes, lives, and friends. Does this make Him a “mean” God? Absolutely not, it makes Him a sovereign God. This Saturday I stood in a room full of shoes, and I watched as family after family came into the room to pick out pairs of shoes they were supposed to consider “theirs.” But they weren’t their shoes; they were somebody else’s shoes who donated them. Everything these families had been given wasn’t “theirs” it was somebody else’s stuff. Nothing seemed right to these families, as if everything was a dream and they were walking through somebody else’s life. We always said, “it will never happen to us, nothing like that would ever happen in Alabama, it’s just Alabama, why would it happen here?” Tears ran down her eyes and a look of utter devastation came across her face, she felt completely hopeless. I saw her from across the room and the Spirit inside of me became heavy, I felt my flesh asking the question, “why her? Why? Why can’t I take this cup from her? Why did this have to happen?” and the Spirit answered within me, “watch. Watch what I AM is going to do.” Immediately the women I had been working with surrounded her with hugs, joy, and encouragement. The angels must have been rejoicing and praising the Lord for this beautiful display of His glory. I can just see the Lord looking me straight in the eyes and saying, “that is why. Because I am most glorified when you are most satisfied in me. When you see that this world will not stand on its own. When you see that I have power, and when you see that I deserve every person in this world’s devotion and praise.” The emotional weight of the glory of God upon our shoulders and in our hearts cannot be withstood in our human bodies, but as we feel weak, this gives God more opportunities to show us that we are nothing without Him. “I delight in knowing that there is something in me which must fall prostrate before God when He reveals Himself to me, and also in knowing that if I am ever to be raised up it must be by the hand of God. God can do nothing for me until I recognize the limits of what is humanely possible, allowing Him to do the impossible” (Ozzy Chambers—i.e. my man:) I would give my life if those around me would come to understand the Lord in the way my Savior has showed me to understand Him. I rejoice knowing that each of our walks is different then the other’s, but I pray the Lord is being glorified in all of my friends hearts, so that on that glorious day, we will have already had a glimpse of Heaven, and we will be able to continue worshipping Him for eternity! This desire within me comes from one thing, Him, my Father, my Savior, if you want Him ask Him to be manifested in front of you that you may see the King of Glory in all His Splendor. He will show Himself to you freely, He will appear in places you never thought you would see Him. Just be still and listen.

He must increase, but I must decrease. John 3:30

$2 overalls and a one-way ticket to Haiti.

2011-04-12T21:40:00.000-07:00

$2 overalls and a one-way ticket to Haiti.

Just last week I spent quite a bit of time with my grandparents. I always enjoy what comes with my time at their house, because there is always something interesting that happens. Last Monday, my grandfather had decided to buy my grandmother an ipad—she has had a mac notebook for 3 years now, and still only knows how to use the internet. You would think that my grandfather would take this as a hint that she doesn’t really enjoy electronics too much, but he said my mother and aunt talked him into buying it for her. I think the most disturbing part of it all is the time that she will use on it. I know that words with friends must be a very addicting game to play, because my mom plays 21 games at one time. I know that it seems like an enjoyable thing to do with your time, if you don’t have anything better to do, but I pray with all of my heart that I am not 74 years old one day, and I have nothing better to do then to sit around and play on the “next coolest thing” all day long. The thing is, my grandma doesn’t want to do that. Her generation was not taught to sit around and play video games or play on computers all day. Her generation was about working hard and being in relationship with others. She always tells me about the fun times she has hanging out with her bunko friends, and how they talk and laugh all afternoon sometimes, and I always wonder whether they mention the Lord. So I wonder why she feels she has to have an ipad, she has to play words with friends, and she has to get a facebook? She doesn't need to, in fact I think she would be much better off if she didn't. But what's new? I feel the whole world might be better off without words with friends and facebook.

My grandma also mentioned something about this summer and I told her I am going to Jordan. My grandparents never appreciate this news when I tell them about the new country I will be going to, but this one seemed to spark a very particular nerve. My grandma wrestled with me and begged me not to go and put myself in the middle of the violent protests. Despite the animosity she had towards the news of me going to Jordan, I couldn’t help but have a smile on my face because the peace of the Lord, I knew was about to transcend on her heart if she would let it. We continued talking about my future and what I had been called to, and I told her about my calling to Haiti, and how I felt the Lord was leading me to move there when I graduate, and this time the response seemed to cut straight to my heart.

My sweet loving grandma, looked at me with heartfelt eyes, and told me, “you know you can’t save the world, Lauren.”

Can I? No. Absolutely not. Did Jesus? Yes, absolutely, he has offered grace to the world. As frustrating as this was to hear her not be encouraging, I was prepared for it. The Lord gracefully helped me see this comment in a different light. It’s true, I cannot save the world, and definitely don’t want to try, but I am COMMANDED to make disciples of all nations. Is this was drives me to go? No. The only thing that drives me to actually stand up and go, is the Glory of the God. His Name is the reason I sing. His Name is the reason I breathe. His Name is the reason I will go to any place He calls me to.

And my response to this comment made by my grandma?

Complete silence. in admiration of the calling the Lord has given me to look different then the world, and to be a citizen of Heaven.

Anyway, last Wednesday I went over to their house again before going to a meeting at Brook Hills and I had on a blue t-shirt and my infamous linen overalls. Every time I put on my brown linen overalls I have a huge smile on my face, one because they cost exactly $2, two because they are amazingly comfortable, and three if anybody asked me for them I would be glad to hand them over. I don’t think hard about what I wear anymore, simply because to me it doesn’t matter. It seems to be vanity these days, but putting on those brown linen overalls was going to mean a lot more that day. As I walked into my grand-parents house and sat down at the counter to begin working on my homework, I waited patiently for my grandma to return so I could chat with her (Grandma’s always seem to have the best things to say—or do they?). Once she returned we talked about the world and what was going on in the Middle east and how things were changing. Once again the Lord spoke through my grandma in a very unconventional way.

She said, “Your mom and I were talking about all the skirts you bought at the thrift store, and I was asking her why you bought them, and she told me she thought they were for this summer.”

“Yea I will be wearing skirts all summer long but I also wear them at school.”

“Lauren, what happened to all of your beautiful clothes?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean all of the clothes you used to wear, all of the beautiful clothes you used to have in your closet?”

“I gave most of them away.”

“Why on earth would you do that?”

“They tied me down to the world too much, and I felt I shouldn’t have clothes that I cared so deeply about.”

“Yea but you used to dress so pretty.”

“So this isn’t considered ‘pretty’?”

“Do you not care?”

“Jim, I really don’t care, I don’t have anybody to impress, I enjoy wearing long skirts because I know this is what I will be wearing for the rest of my life in the mission field. My clothes no longer tie me down to the world because I pay $1 for one skirt and would be happy to give it away to anybody who wanted it.”

“I am 74 years old and I still dress up and wear nice clothes, so why wouldn’t you?”

“Who do you wear those nice clothes for?”

“My self, so I can feel good about myself.”

-no words were needed after this statement, but I felt I should respond anyway.

“I just really don’t care about clothes, fashion, or looking good, I have no reason left on this earth to wear expensive clothing, or to dress nicely.” And then, the verse the Lord has been pointing me to time and time again for the past few months, came to life: “Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of your hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet Spirits, which in God’s sight is very precious” (1 Peter 3:3-4).

At this moment I realized I had given up on outward beauty, and realized how much it did not satisfy. I realized the preciousness of the Lord’s grace, and how He provides me with beauty because of the Spirit inside of me, not because of the color of my hair, or the clothes I wear, or how much I weigh. Praise be to the Lord, that I no longer have to worry about external beauty.

Please don’t take me the wrong way in all of this. I appreciate being a woman, and dressing like a woman, and wearing make up, on occasion, but I am very weary of allowing this to consume my heart and mind. I think it is safe to say that whenever we, as women of God, feel the Lord may be convicting us of being too consumed in external beauty, we should take the makeup off, and wear an outfit that we wouldn’t mind giving to somebody if we walked by them and they asked for it. If we can walk with the same confidence, because of the Spirit inside of us, which we would if we had on makeup and a “beautiful outfit” then I think we are safe to continue as we are. But, if you put on this outfit and your heart drops every time you walk by a potential “mate” and you think of how you wished you had worn a cuter outfit, then I think the Lord has some reshaping to do. The Spirit is our joy, the Spirit is our life and our light. He will radiate from us, and no matter what we wear, He will always make His presence known through us. I think its safe to say that we can wear beautiful clothing and put on makeup and remind ourselves that these are gifts, that they are wants, and that they are not necessary.

Praise be to God our Father who gives us the Joy to know we can be confident with the Spirit inside of us being our adornment.

So sweet my Savior's Grace to me.

2011-04-11T22:18:00.000-07:00

Yes, My Savior, my One True Love of my life, has been so sweet to me, His goodness tastes so sweet and it is all satisfying. As Solomon’s Beloved’s lips tasted as honey to him, so my Savior’s Love, my true Beloved, has tasted to me. Blessed be His Name.

AdVENTURE

There are many wonderful things that I have learned through my relationship to my father, but most significantly I think I have learned the importance of an adventure. One day this past summer my dad and I wanted to hike to this lake which is about 4 miles uphill in between two mountain peaks in Colorado. The idea of hiking 4 miles there and four miles back somewhat terrified me, and I wasn’t sure I would be able to physically handle the hike. We set off on the adventure despite my reluctance, and my loving father encouraged me to push myself. We had a backpack with our picnic food in it, and a fishing pole. Originally he asked to carry the heavy load (the backpack) so I could get a good start while carrying the fishing pole. As we continued the hike, my dad was not proud, instead of walking much faster like I knew he could, he hiked with me and encouraged me along the route. As we got further along the trail, and I started getting a feel for what the hike would be like, I decided to ask him if he would like me to take a turn to carry the backpack. I knew that he would not feel comfortable giving me the heavier thing to carry, but I truly wanted to help him, by carrying the load some of the time. For the next hour or so we went back and forth carrying the backpack and the fishing pole. The higher we got up the mountain the cooler it was getting, and we could tell we were getting closer to the lake. At this point my dad and I had had a great time encouraging each other the whole way to the lake, and then my dad thought because we were getting so close to the lake that we should race to the top. There are very few moments in life that I remember every single detail, but I believe the Lord gave me these moments for me to cherish my relationship with my earthly father, in remembrance of my Heavenly Father. As we laughed and huffed and puffed all the way to the lake we both rejoiced together and congratulated each other that we had made it all the way up! For the next 3 hours while we were next to the lake we enjoyed each other’s company but didn’t say hardly in words to each other. He fished and I walked around and took pictures and sat in my hammock.

As I was sitting on the hammock, I thought of how we had just hiked all the way up the mountain to come to the lake, and how we encouraged each other all the way up and enjoyed each other’s presence, and then how it didn’t matter that we weren’t saying anything to each other for the next 3 hours, all that mattered was that we were together. After a few hours at the lake my dad realized an afternoon storm was coming in and in his protection of me, he asked that we start to head down the mountain. As we headed down the mountain I came to realize that normally the trip back is not as enjoyable as the trip down, because you don’t have something to look forward to. Boy was I wrong, my dad made it somewhat of a game! We tried to find the shortest way down the mountain, through the little byways that people had made off of the trail! I started to get ahead of my dad, and quickly realized that if something happened to him I would not know if I wasn’t next to him. The motherly instinct in me, reminded my body to slow down and hike with him, just in case something happened. After an hour or so down the mountain, we had successfully hiked 8 miles to a beautiful, serene lake in the magnificent mountains of Colorado.

There are many reasons why this story is prevalent for my life today, and so promising to remember. First of all in my relationship with my Heavenly Father; second of all in my future relationship with my husband. I have always loved adventure, and have always enjoyed the great outdoors, not only because of the fresh air and the beauty of the earth, but because of the things I learn by being in relationship with the Lord, and seeing how He works in the things around me. I desire to go on an adventure with the Lord, with Jesus, to the end of the world, just Jesus and I. I desire to walk into the desert and completely rely on my Savior to teach me how to survive, and to nourish me with Spiritual milk. I desire to feel the dryness of the desert and the hopelessness of the barren land, then for the Lord to take me to a spring that is more glorious then anything I have ever seen. O God you are my God; earnestly I seek you my soul THIRSTS for you, my flesh faints for you as in a dry and weary land where there is no water (Psalm 63:1). I want to thirst for my God, for the living God, for the God that gives us living water so our well never runs dry. I want to suffer for the sake of Christ, to experience a trial, and to still be able to say through it all, "our God reigns." I want to run and not grow weary. I want to sour on wings like eagles, and be so totally consumed with my Father, and the Kingdom of Heaven, that i forget that I am still on earth. I want to be reminded of my humanness and humbled by the fact that i can only be the Lord's vessel, because of the Spirit inside of me. I want to be baptized to proclaim to the world that God is God, and that He now has my life, every single aspect of it, including all of my relationships. And the best part of all of these desires is that they are His desires, and through all of this, I can fully understand Psalm 37:4, because I have completely found delight in the Lord, and therefore He will give me the desires of [His] heart. Praise be to Him.

And in the future I hope to be given the gift of an adventure with my husband. I hope to share with him the mountains and the valleys, to be encouraged by him to do something I never thought I could do. I hope to carry the burden for him sometimes, and to carry it with joy. I pray that I look for the opportunity to serve him and to love him and to make him laugh (despite my corny jokes that nobody normally laughs at). I pray the Lord gives us very many opportunities to be in the company of each other but to know that words are not necessary, and that we are simply enjoying each other's presence. I pray that I will be reminded to walk with my husband to not leave him behind or to not end up behind him. I pray we walk towards the Lord daily holding hands. And i pray when one of us falls that we will pick each other up, rest, and then continue, no matter how hard it is. My identity has not been found in my earthly father, and my identity will not be found in my future husband. My identity is only in Christ, and because of this identity in Christ, I have lost all earthly ties, I have learned that what is mine is HIs, and He is allowed to use His things and people however He wants. I have nothing to own in this world anymore, and I praise God for what OVERWHELMING joy this brings to my heart!

On another note....
The Lord has been overwhelmingly good to me in the past few weeks, and has taught me to love Him like I have never loved Him before. Thursday, April 7, 2011 I was in the car on my way to go rock climbing, and Heaven came down. The Lord gave me a visual image of my soul just my soul, not hindered by any flesh, and then the Spirit inside of my soul, and He was connected to the Lord, and the Lord was moving my soul as He pleased. The connection made to the Father is something that once you have tasted it you never want to turn away from it, in fact all you want to do is to experience it all day every day. Although we have no idea what Heaven will be like, I know that we will have this unadulterated connection to the Father all the time. This is what I long for, these moments of purity with the Spirit and the Father and Christ Himself, all as one, bringing praise to His Holy Name! I long for these moments, indeed thirst for these moments, and I am so appreciative that He has been continuously giving me these moments for months now. All I had to do was surrender every part of me, beginning and end, and then He ran with my heart, soul, and mind, and every day He is overcoming my flesh and using the Spirit within me, to bring many Sons to glory. Praise His Holy Name! To Him be all the glory! And so with expectation, we await His arrival, knowing that there will be tough times and suffering along the way. We desire only to walk on this straight path, and not become wayward.

I am expectant of this summer, for I know I am walking to Jordan alone. I believe this summer will be a MASSIVE relationship binder with the Lord. I know that He will protect me, and send legions of angels to watch over me. I also know how many people think I am crazy for wanting to go, but I have to admit, I don’t think it is as much me wanting to go as it is the Lord commanding me to go. As we know, when the Lord COMMANDS, there is no questioning His command. Only do as He has commanded us to do. Yes indeed, I have one crazy journey ahead of me, I do not doubt that, but I am amazingly blessed to be able to experience this crazy journey with my loving Savior, knowing that his Grace is all sufficient and worthy of all glory and Honor and Praise.

Yes, My Savior, my One True Love of my life, has been so sweet to me, His goodness tastes so sweet and it is all satisfying. As Solomon’s Beloved’s lips tasted as honey to him, so my Savior’s Love, my true Beloved, has tasted to me. Blessed be His Name.